Veronica, January 2006
I'd been staring at the test on the basin for the last 5 minutes, waiting for the minus sign to morph into a plus but so far there was no change. I thought for sure that I would be pregnant, I was overdue for my period, not that it had been running like clockwork since I'd come off the pill but a whole month had passed without it and I thought that with the amount of times Sam and I had made love, in the three days he was home in December, it was almost guaranteed that the test would be positive, that we would be celebrating being pregnant.
That minus sign made me feel like a failure, that all the happiness and joy I felt when I had Bridget go buy me the test at the pharmacy that afternoon had just been drained away, leaving me empty inside. I wanted this so badly that I'd convinced myself that my body was showing symptoms, the lateness of my period, tenderness of my breasts and how bloated I'd become in the last few days, lead me to believe that I was pregnant.
"It was our first time trying , Bunny." Sam says, sensing my disappointment, he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me protectively against his body, I feel terrible though, I'd built this up, got him excited too and now I've just let us both down. I should have just realised that the symptoms I've been experiencing are just signs that my period is coming, not pregnancy. "It might take a while but we'll get there."
I pick up the test and throw it into the bin beside the toilet, not wanting to look at it anymore because it's making me feel ashamed for even being foolish enough to think that I could be pregnant, I've been getting my period since I was 13 years old, I know the signs that it's coming.
"I'm an idiot." I scoff, there's no other description of myself right now. "I should have waited, not jumped the gun so soon."
Sam twists his body so that his facing me, his beautiful brown eyes bore into my own, he cradles my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him because he knows that all I want to do is just hide away and bury my pain but this isn't just my pain, it's ours.
"You're not an idiot Veronica, far from it, you wanted to believe you were pregnant and I did too but like I said, we've only just started trying, we've got to be prepared for disappointment." His voice is so soothing, comforting, setting me free of the guilt I'd put on myself when that test showed a negative. "I think we just need to relax, not put so much pressure on ourselves, let's just enjoy the practice." The cheeky smile spreads across his face when he says the word practice, it's a smile that's infectious, lifting me out from my mood. I only have him home for the weekend, I don't want to waste that time.
"Practising is my favourite thing to do with you." I whisper seductively in his ear, hoping he takes the hint. He leans in and kisses me, slow and tenderly as he pushes me back against the vanity. My hands slide up under his shirt, delighting in the crafted grooves of his abs. He's worked so hard to get his sculpted body, long hours at the gym and nothing turns me on more than just running my hands all over him, knowing that he's all mine to touch.
He lifts me up onto the countertop, hikes my skirt up and opens my legs wide so he can step between them. I can feel the arousal pooling on my panties as he presses his erection against me, teasing me with what's to come. His mouth moves to my neck, sucking at the flesh along my collar bone, sending tingles of delectation through my whole body, making my hips involuntary grind towards him.
He runs his fingers over the soaked fabric of my cotton panties and I feel the smile of satisfaction he presses against my neck. He knows exactly the effect his charms have over me, he doesn't need a roadmap of my body to know where to go to turn me on, years of experience has served him well.
