Date Night Stories

My First Love

Part 1

I stepped into the sand, my sandals sinking with each step I take. I let the breeze hit my face and I breathe in, trying to take it all in. I sat on the sand, and placed my bags beside me. The sun was rising and I just watched as the sky changed colors and the sea calmly moving in the distant.

This year was difficult and I had my heartbroken over and over again. I decided to take a trip, only taking essentials with me and leaving it all behind temporarily. I used all of my time off work and I went on a spontaneous trip on my own. It was hard to be on my own since I depended so much on others' company for many years.

I laid back, not caring about the lack of sunblock on my skin. I'll deal with the sunburn later on. It felt good to hear the water splashing on the shore, the birds and the people starting their day. It was peaceful and it was everything I needed.

I haven't eaten all day, must have slipped my mind. I always thought, once I lose the weight I'll be happier. Once I graduate, I'll be happier. Once I get a job, I'll be happier. Once I have enough money, I'll be happier. Once I do this and that, I'll be happier. Once I fall in love I'll be happier, It's not true. No matter how good my situation got, I was constantly unhappy. But not today.

Today I was happy. And I'd like for it to stay that way just for a little bit. God must be listening because I can feel the water touching my toes. And I feel cold glass touching my feet. Startled, I got up to find a bottle brought to me by the water. It sounds ridiculous but there was paper inside and I hurriedly opened it. To my dismay, it took a whole lot of effort. I'm not sure if they superglued it shut because this bottle was not going to open unless I smashed it. I looked around to people watch and I don't see anyone who might have left this.

I took it with me and I carried on with my trip, I booked a nice room and ordered room service which I never done before. The last time I came here was with my husband. My ex-husband. He was my best friend and my whole world. I don't know what happened but after 4 years of marriage and years of being together, we fell apart and I lost myself in the relationship. I gave it my all but I don't know why it wasn't working out anymore.

It broke my heart when the divorce papers were finalized. I never imagined that we would ever not be together. I looked out the window as the sun sets, the waves were crashing down and I suddenly felt a wave of sadness. And I just wanted him to hold me. Hold me tight once again...

I grabbed the bottle and managed to break it open. Carefully, I picked up the letter inside and opened it. It didn't seem too old and the familiar handwriting greeted me.

It was his handwriting. I still remember how he wrote his number 5. It was a long handwritten letter and he signed his name at the end.

"To Zandra,

My love, my soulmate, my everything. We're getting married in a few weeks and I'm really blessed. Thank God for you. I've been having trouble with my vows and I thought I'd love to write to you.

Thank you for coming into my life when you did. I fell in love with you the moment I laid my eyes on you. You're a beautiful woman and I am so glad I got to be a part of your life. Thank you for being my best friend and for all our inside jokes. Thank you for everything, I was at my lowest and you never left me.

I vow to always love you. I vow that we'll always be open and honest with each other. I vow to keep choosing you over and over again. I vow that we will record every crappy episodes of the show we can't seem to stop watching if we can't watch it together. I vow to hold your hands even when my hands are sweaty. I vow to dance with you no matter how embarrassing it is. I vow to sing duets with you even if I don't the songs. I vow to sleep on the same bed even if your snoring keeps me up. I vow to eat your experiments no matter how gross they look. But apart from everything, I vow to stay by your side, no matter how hard it gets"

I cried. He didn't use this vows on our wedding but the fact that he thought about it already meant a lot to me. I broke me because he wasn't there during the hard times. He was there but he wasn't really there with me anymore. This made me crumble inside. It's been a couple years since we parted and it still stings. He was my first love and we made so many memories together. We built our relationship together and it was gone just like that. I kept reading the letter and it comforted me because he truly loved me. Even if it didn't feel like he did anymore, at least I know that he did at one point and he really wanted to be with me.

It was dark outside, but I wanted to clear my head. I stood in the beach, the salty air and the cold wind hitting my skin. I thought to myself, I will always love him. No matter what happens in my life, I will always have a soft spot for him. It hurts because I'm not sure if I do. A big part of me don't want to fall in love ever again. I loved everything about him and us but why did it hurt so much. As much as it hurts, I'd do it all over again.

I walked towards the ocean just to dip my feet into the water. It was peaceful just like this morning. I wanted to stay in such peace and quiet. And I guess someone heard my wishes and he's the only one I'll ever love and I will forever be at peace. The current was strong and it engulfed me, before I knew it, I was floating into the unknown.

Written on 13 September 2021