Squirrelflight: Hey, Jay, can I borrow your phone?
Jayfeather: *looks up from an intense session of Flappy Bird* Why?
Squirrelflight: I just need to take a selfie real quick!
Jayfeather: No.
Squirrelflight: D: Why noooot??
Jayfeather: Because you ain't my momma.
Squirrelflight: WAHHHHHH!!!!! *runs away*
Jayfeather: *strokes the phone* My Squirrelflight hate comments are safe with you, my sweet.
Siri: Why, thank you.
Squirrelflight: *goes to ShadowClan* SPOILER ALERT, ROWANSTAAAR!!
Rowanstar: ATTACK THE THUNDERCLAN SCUM! SNUFF OUT THE UNCLEAN, SNUFF OUT THE UNNECESSARY! SNUFF OUT THE UNWORTHY, AND YADA YADA YADA!!
Tawneypelt: YES, I LOVE BLACK BUTLER! *makes out*
Tigerheart: WAIT, STOP, STOP!
*Everyone stops*
Tigerheart: First... let's take a selfie.
ShadowClan: *crowds around for a selfie*
Squirrelflight: Can I be in the selfie, too?
Littlecloud: No way, girl, you ain't part o' ShadowClan, you can't be a part of no selfie! Get the heck out!
Squirrelflight: ;__; *runs to WindClan*
Squirrelflight: Onestar, I really, REALLY need a phone to take a selfie with.
Whitetail: I have this really cool phone! *hands her a really old phone*
Squirrelflight: I AIN'T A PART OF THIS SYSTEM! AND I THROW IT ON THE GROOOOUND! *throws the phone on the ground and it breaks in slow-motion*
Onestar: Okay, now GET OUT, BEFORE MY MEDICINE CAT SHREDS YOUR FUR OFF!
Kestrelflight: Wait, what?
Onestar: Nobody really cares about you, so I tried to make you seem more interesting.
WindClan: OOOOOOOHHHH NEED SOME HERBS FOR THAT BURN????
Squirrelflight: So no one will help me?
Kestrelflight: * sighs and observes her* You seem to have a serious case of Selfieitis.
Squirrelflight: Selfieitis?
Kestrelflight: You're basically addicted to selfies.
Squirrelflight: Nonsense! It's just that my beautiful body and fabulous face needs to be treasured 24/7!
Crowfeather: I cheat on she-cats like the fox-heart I am. :D
Onestar: *slaps a rabbit in his face* No one asked about your life story! Now stop talking!
Crowfeather: But whatever I say is pure gold and should be heard because I am so awesome and so important!
Onestar: Aye-aye-aye, you sound just like Kestrelflight...
Kestrelflight: HEY!!
Squirrelflight: Whatever. Hashtag SELFIE YOU SOON! *goes to RiverClan*
Mintfur: *slaps her with a wet fish*
Squirrelflight: *dumps a cake on her head*
Mintfur: AAAHH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?! *sparks electric sparks and goes all cockamamie* INTRUDER ALERT. INTRUDER ALERT. CODE RED, CODE RED. *dies*
Mistystar: Wait... my warrior was the intruder system from SpongeBob??? I always knew there was something off about her...
Reedfeather: I shared tongues with her, and she always had abnormally tough bones that were wires and her fur was cold...
Willowshine: *zooms out* Whenever she got a cut, there was wire poking out.
Mistystar: And you didn't tell me???
Willowshine: I was too busy thinking about Jayfeather. //>^<\\
Mothwing: Don't try to even deal with him. He's a player.
Squirrelflight: No, he just loves a dead cat. No biggie.
Willowshine: *eye twitches* He... loves... A DEAD CAT????!!! OVER ME?!
Mothwing: Jealous Willowshine is jealous.
Willowshine: *somehow gets a voodoo Jayfeather doll* You will love me or SUFFER!!! *sticks a needle in his tail*
Meanwhile, in ThunderClan...
Jayfeather: *feels a pain in his back* Ow, my back is killing me...
Cinderheart: Do you have an ache or something?
Jayfeather: Maybe...
Cinderheart: Do you want me to give you a massage?
Lionblaze: Oh, no, sweetie, my brother's a player. You don't wanna interact with him.
Jayfeather: How am I a player??? I'm a medicine cat!
Briarlight: *eyes fly open* I sense... a certain fishy medicine cat trying to make Jayfeather love her by using a voodoo doll. THIS MUST BE DEALT WITH AT ONCE! *drags herself to River--*
Squirrelflight: Um, yeah, that's great and all, but I really need a phone to take a selfie with.
Briarlight: Squirrelflight! How did you get here?
Squirrelflight: Mistystar slapped me with a fish so hard I flew in the sky until I landed here.
Briarlight: So the lesson is: If you're addicted to selfies, you'll get slapped with a fish.
Squirrelflight: Amen, brotha!
Oh my StarClan, I am soooooo sorry for not updating this book in over a month!!! I know, I'm terrible, I won't even try to make any excuses. Hopefully this chapter made up for all that. We chill?
Hopefully this chapter of Warrior Spoofs made your day, and once again I am extremely sorry for the lack of updates.
~D0veWing
