A Court of Shadow and Song

Chapter 14

14

Gwyn POV

Gwyn returned to the river house numb. The inner circle was uncharacteristically quiet as they winnowed back to the parlor. The only noise came from a babbling Nyx who remained innocently oblivious to the way Gwyn's world had just blown up.

I love you, he told her, find me.

Gwyn couldn't breathe as the memory played over and over in her head. I love you. I love you. I love you.

She didn't even get to say it back...

And she wanted to, Gwyn realized. She wanted to tell him how he changed her world. How she was stronger because he believed in her. He trained her. He loved her... And she loved him and he might never know.

Gwyn's legs buckled beneath her as a sob ripped from her chest. Strong arms wrapped around her before she could hit the floor. Cassian drew her in close, holding her like a baby as she sobbed.

"I missed so much." Nesta murmured, kneeling on the ground in front of Gwyn, wiping Gwyn's tear stained face with her shirt and taking one of her hands. Emerie, who had been unusually quiet this whole time, came to kneel beside Nesta and took Gwyn's other hand.

Gwyn looked at her friends with pain in her chest.

"Get out." Nesta stood turning to the room. "All of you. Get out." Gwyn's friend had switched from gentle and caring to the Queen of Death in one breath. She became the female that everyone believed her to be. Her eyes hardened as she stared down each person in the room.

"We need to come up with a plan." Rhys objected, "We need to save Azriel."

"We will." Nesta snapped. "She will. But first we need to talk to her." Something flashed between Rhysand and Nesta before he nodded once and began ushering everyone from the room.

"You too." Nesta said softly to her mate. Cassian, Gwyn realized, had been holding her as much for himself as for her. Tears streamed the large male's face. He was the only one, Gwyn realized, you might miss Azriel as much as she did.

"He can stay." Gwyn said, taking his hand in hers. Cassian was the part of Azriel that Gwyn could still reach.

Gwyn reached up to wipe a tear from Cassian's face, only slightly taken aback at the sight of the night court warrior kneeling on the ground in tears.

Gwyn shifted from his arms, allowing Nesta to move in to comfort her mate.

"He's going to..." Cassian didn't finish the thought, but Gwyn knew what he was thinking. He's going to die.

"Stop that right now, or I will kick you out too." Nesta said firmly, kissing away Cassian's tears. Emerie helped Gwyn off the floor, moving her to the couch. Gwyn couldn't feel her limbs moving, nor did it register to her when she sat down, or when a cool cup slipped into her hands. She took a sip automatically, choking at the contents.

"Liquor." Emerie answered her silent question, "You look like you could use it. Now tell us everything."

"I love him." Gwyn said softly, eyes remaining on the amber liquid. "We... things changed in the autumn court. We fell in love... and I never got to tell him."

"He knows." Cassian assured her. But Gwyn wasn't so sure. Azriel was hell bent on believing he wasn't good enough. That was why he was so willing to sacrifice himself. That is what he thought his life was worth. Would he believe on his own accord that Gwyn loved him? That her heart had beat only for him since the moment he had soured into her life and saved her from tragedy? That her affection only grew while he trained her to be a soldier, while he pushed her to be the strongest version of herself? Would he know?