Wounded Hearts

Chapter 12

I brushed my waist-length wavy hair and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My under eyes are evidently screaming sleepless nights but no evidence of tiredness in shedding tears.

Inayos ko ang suot kong puting bestida. For three days, I'd been wearing black and today, I just want to wear this white dress. I want to let go of my mother with peace and calmness in my heart. I will let go of her now, willingly.

I am dearly holding—, no. I am now hugging her picture frame while we march to her final destination. I'm sure she's now overwhelmed sa dami ng maghahatid sa kanya.

Her favorite song is now playing. And as the song says, there is no other permanent things in this world but change. No matter how we strive to make things stay the same, it would always end up changing.

No matter how I want nanay to stay alive, with us, death will always win. Just like the wind, it's direction constantly changes. When sailing, you can't command the wind to blow in the direction you desire; you must learn to adjust your sail.

I can't command and demand God to bring back my mother's life. All I can do is to deal with the reality, let myself heal and continuously live my life, without her.

"God, we thank you for the gift of life that you give us. It is full of memories of sorrow and joy."

I can hear the sobs of everyone. It still hurts at the moment but I guess, I already cried it all

"Today we thank you for the life of Mercedes Villescas, for what she has given and received in this world. Help us, especially her bereaved family in our mourning and teach us to live life with meaning and purpose in the time that is still left to us. Thank you for the gift of eternal life that can give light and joy to our days from the day we live here in earth. Heavenly Father, we thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ. Help us to see that it is through Him only that can open the gate to the life that shall never die."

I felt Kianna beside me, she held my hands. I just smiled at her at assured that it is fine, I can deal with it.

Hawak ko ang puting rosas, dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanya.

I closed my eyes. I held the rose to my lips and gave it a gentle kiss and whispered "Nay, paano ba 'yan? This wil be the first but also the last time that I'll give you flower. Pahinga ka na diyan. Huwag ka ng mag-alala sa bunso mo, makakapagtapos ako ng pag-aaral. I'll make you proud, nay."

Naramdaman ko ang mga Kuya ko sa tabi ko. Hinayaan ko lamang silang akbayan ako. It is not the right time to throw childish tantrums. And as we watch our mother's departure from this physical world, it is only smile that is painted in our faces. We want to bid our goodbyes to her without a heavy heart.

Just like how I decided to let go nanay with a peace in my heart, I willingly let go of the white balloon. Pinagmasdan ko itong unti-unting umaakyat pataas hanggang sa tuluyan ng mawala ito sa paningin ko.

Inihatid ko sila Kianna, Mico at Cole sa kanilang sasakyan.

"Beks, call me lang ah if need something. Mauuna na muna kami, hintayin namin pagbabalik mo sa Manila" aniya at niyakap ako.

Sumaludo lamang si Cole at nginitian ko rin ito.

"It has been a tough ride but you're doing a great job, Ara. We'll wait for you, just take your time here. You need that" Miko said.

I just mouthed "thank you" to him. I waved my goodbye and now, they're out of my sight.

Two to three days of rest may do. May buhay rin akong iniwan sa Manila, kailangan ko ring bumalik roon.