Wounded Hearts

Chapter 2

Today is weekend and my brother's fiancee said she can't make it today dahil kahit Sabado ay kinakailangan niyang pumasok sa trabaho.

I busied myself cleaning my apartment, rearranging things, throwing old stuffs and changed the curtains.

Habang nagluluto ay binuksan ko ay binuksan ko ang TV upang malibang.

"When did you finally said to yourself, I am ready to forgive?"

"For the longest years, my family had been there with me, supporting me through my battle. Hindi nila ako iniwan. They are huge part of my healing. Forgiveness... Hindi ganoon kadaling magpatawad. Hindi madaling magpatawad sa taong halos sumira na ng buhay ko, my whole life. He robbed me the opportunity to live my life fully, I became miserable and did terrible things I shouldn't be doing.

The time I realized that I am ready to forgive is when I found Jesus in my heart. Ang una ko pong pinatawad, ang sarili ko"

Napukaw ng atensyon ko ang palabas sa TV. A talk show.

"Kinulong ko ang sarili ko sa madilim na pangyayaring iyon. I was diagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it affected my whole life. Hindi naging madali. But little by little, I learned to stand up again. Seeking professional help is not something to be ashamed off, let's break the stigma. And what I learned is, the first step to healing is acceptance. Through the help of my support system, binalikan ko ang mga alaala noong araw na iyon. I accepted what happened to me, learned to live with that nang wala ng takot. I continuously undergone therapy. I learned to forgive myself."

I just found myself infront of the television, attentively watching and listening.

"Alessia, napatawad mo na ba ang taong gumawa sa'yo ng kasalanan"

"Ms. Amanda, honestly ang hirap eh. But one day, I just found myself in that jail and saw that man, crying infront of me. The moment I saw him, wala ng yung hatred sa puso ko eh. I forgave him with all my heart"

"You are successful in your field right now. A businesswoman, an advocate for Mental Health and Woman's Health and Welfare. And like what you said, you found forgiveness. May tanong ako sa'yo, can you say to yourself right now that "I am genuinely happy and living life with meaning and purpose"?"

"Most people will probably see me in that way. But Ms. Amanda, I can't still say that to myself right now. Mayroon pang kulang. Meron pa akong 'unfinished business' to fulfill with someone."

This scenario in the talk show reminded me of someone in the past. Ngunit iwinaglit ko iyon sa isipan ko.

I'm not fond of watching television shows but this one really caught my attention.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Her experience must be really tough. Having nightmares and constant flashback about that traumatic situation she'd been is really hard. My professor said it's like a hard torture having flashbacks kasi parang nangyayari ulit 'yun sa'yo.

I remembered when we had immersion in one of Women's Welfare center, I met a thirteen year old girl who has been sexually abused by her own father.

Tahimik lamang siya sa isang gilid, humihikbi. Ayaw niyang lalapitan siya dahil magwawala. One time she woke up from her nap, crying, screaming and looked terrified.

That must be really difficult, bearing the trauma for the rest of your life. It's always the victim that suffers psychologically for a long time and those sexual abusers and perpetrators, they are only put in jail, or fake evidences, fabricate stories just to get out. Some, blame victims for being abused, I'm so sick of that mindset.

The next days, naging busy kami both academic and in the organization. Ngayon ay nasa org meeting ako with my fellow Psychology Society officers.

"As per the student council, we are allotted three days for our seminar series. Our agenda for today is draft topics for seminar, work assignment, and gathering manpower from different year levels"