You're not the one | JJK

40| Hope

I know it's wrong for me to get mad if she doesn't care. It's wrong for me to expect an 'I love you' at the end of every conversation. I know it's wrong for me to act like she belongs to me but I just can't control. I love her too much and I think that's why it's hurts so much. Real things hurt the most.

When I was younger, I heard from my mom that everyone who's living their life beautifully now have gone through some sharp pain. And somehow that scared me. It made me feel like I won't be successful in anything as I had been living a very peaceful childhood back then. I wondered if I'd be able to die with happiness filled in my heart and I knew that if that was to happen, I'd at least have to go through a little amount of pain.

That's why when the thick needle of agony first came in contact with my warm skin, I wiped off my tears and smiled. I felt like my journey finally started. The thought of going through pain and heading towards my destination made me excited. It gave me hope that just like those great men, I'd be happy one day too.

My once dad said that everyone's life is divided into two phases, suffering and happiness. If you suffer now, you'll be happy later and if you're experiencing the warmth of happiness now, you'll experience sadness one day. You can't avoid it. So, I happily held on. Hoping to see her fall asleep in my arms after going through all this. The stars behind the night clouds made me excited. They seemed so bright to me that the clouds seemed to blur themselves out. Hoping that the blury sight of the stars would soon increase its clarity, I sat down calmly on my chair, looking at her picture. Hope and love was all that was left in my heart. Hope, a thin beam of light entering my dark room through the borders of the closed windows. Love, a little spark of happiness that was soon to be brightened.

"Maybe she really was busy? Maybe that's why she couldn't make it? Yeah...That must be it." That's what I made myself believe. Maybe a lie, but still I made myself believe it.

"You can forget me but I'll always be there for you."

"I love you too Jungkook!!" She said excitedly, hugging me as my eyes widened.

"What?? Really? Y/n do you mean it-"

She smiled beautifully and said,
"In your dreams."

"Hm? Wdym-"

*ting* my phone buzzed.

Oh.....It was a dream.

"M-my phone? Where's it?"

"Here." Jimin passed it to me.

"Since when are you here?" I asked with my heavy eyes which still craved for some more sleep.

"Since you've been Y/N-ing."

Unlocking my device, I saw quite an expected message.

Y/n 💕
I hope so too

And that stung me like a bee. Just a combination of few words but, why do they seem so hurt? Like a small paper cut, almost invisible but still hurts just as much.

Fuck yourself jungkook. Why do you keep messing up? Why can't you just calm down and think straight instead of doing some stupid things just to regret them later? Just fuck yourself.

I hurriedly clicked on the 'call' button and waited for her to pick up, listening to her caller tune. Decalcomania.

As soon as the song stopped in between, I spoke.

"Y/n!! Listen I-"

"No. You hurt your head. The radiation of the phone will cause further issues. The doctor said no." Jhope said, snatching away my phone, hanging up the call and glaring at me.

"But hyung-"

"Take that as a command. I'm older than you." He retorted before walking out with my phone while Jimin looked at us confused.

He had been acting weird recently. I really can't understand him. One second he looks at me lovingly and the next moment it feels like he'd tear me apart if possible. He still didn't explain his behavior at 'The Tonight Show'. I still don't know why he acted like that or what his words meant but we did solve the problem by apologizing to each other. I don't know where I went wrong but still I did.

"Sorry Jungkook-ah. I shouldn't have acted like that. I didn't mean anything I said back there." I remembered his words. I wanted more answers but decided not to push it as it seemed like we were back to being good again and obviously I didn't want to ruin it by bringing back the topic.

Where's the missing piece?

[Y/N'S POV]

Please don't ask me how I feel rn. I just don't know.......I don't know what to feel or do. I just wanna curl up into a worm and go hiding. His words didn't seem real to me. Even after seeing them with my own eyes, somewhere deep down I felt like he didn't many any of them. "Maybe he just said it being the reckless kid he is? Maybe he didn't really mean it? Yeah.....that must be it." And that's what I hoped. Maybe a lie, but still I made myself believe it.

_____________

In the world of lies, I'd breathe in the air of truth called you.

Double update because of short chapters!!!
Lol I wrote this in the middle of an exam while waiting for answers from my friends.