You're not the one | JJK

33| Changed

[JHOPE'S POV]

After getting my phone back I opened the chats. I know I shouldn't but I was curious. Because Jungkook kept smiling while talking to her, I wanted to know.

"Fr? Since when did you start fan boying like Jungkook?😂" --y/n

Why? Why do you always brings him up even when I'm talking about myself?

"Send me your pic." --Jungkook as Jhope.

"Uh that's so random. Like rn? For what?" --y/n

Why? You never found it random when Jungkook used to ask for it. Why is it not the same for me?

"Stop acting like a baby."--y/n

Why? She liked it when Jungkook acted like a baby, then why not me? She thought she was talking to me and therefore told me to stop acting like a baby. I remember how she used to squeal and hid her face with her palms to hide her blush when he acted cute. Why does whatever he does excites her but when it comes to me it's all different even if I do the same thing?

"Maybe I think about him a little too much nowadays?" --y/n

Why? Why only him? Why not me? Am I really not enough?

"I'll go eat some min-cho ice cream." --y/n

Why would you eat that even though you hate it so much? Just for him....why? You refused to wear a peach colored nail polish when I asked you to cause you don't like that color. Then why isn't it the same for him? Why would you only sacrifice for him?

"Sometimes you're being all cute and I feel like I'm talking to him. It's been a while since he has talked to me like how he used to. I miss him...." --y/n

Why is he the only one who can be cute? Why not me? Why do you think of him even when you're talking to me?

"And why are you using that '🥺' emoji like him?" --y/n

Why is it that whatever I do has to be something related to him? Why can't I use that emoji? Why is he the only one?

I clenched my jaw and fists. As much as I hated to admit it, I was jealous. A strong sense of anger slowly started to fill the inside of me. The reason is none other than him. Why can't I be him? No, why I can't I be myself and still you would feel the same way for me? Why is it always him?

"Hyung!! Can you teach me that dance move from Chicken noodle soup?!!" Jungkook came running to me, flashing his innocent bunny smile.
I looked at him and thought, What am I doing? Was I seriously jealous of him? Did I really had the thought of taking his place? How much more worse can I be?

I immediately hugged him tightly and whispered a low 'sorry'.

"What's wrong hyung?" He asked caressing my back.

"Nothing.... I'm just so so sorry. You're one of the reasons why I'm living. I love you kook-ah..... A lot." I said as a tear rolled down my cheeks. The guilt of thinking the way I did was building up inside me and I couldn't help but sob.

"I love you too hyung~" He said cutely and I felt even more guilty.

"I'm really sorry. Really really sorry..."

"Why do you keep apologizing hyung?"--Jungkook

"Just... Nothing." I said and pulled him closer to my embrace.

[Y/N's POV]

I didn't know that this would be so hard. I knew I would, but I didn't know that I'd miss him so bad. Nowadays I find myself simping on his perfect features less. Instead, just thinking about him makes me blush. Just knowing that I exist in the same age as him makes me happy. I keep craving to hear his voice. Not because it's beautiful, but because it's his. I want to see his face. Not because it's pretty, but because it's his. I keep feeling grateful to him. Not because he made me happy, but because he exists. I've started to feel things for him which are a lot different than what I've ever felt before. Before I only liked the butterflies I got and how my heart danced when I was with him but now it's different. It's not the feeling I'm in love with, but it's him, just him. It's not the excitement of seeing my idol or just a crush, it's the happiness of knowing him. I don't care if I get to be with him anymore. All I care about is to embrace the feelings I've development cause when you're in love, there's nothing in between. No excitement, no jealousy, not the society, not the need to get something, not the need to label them as yours, absolutely nothing......neither you, nor him. All that exists then is love. Just a small indescribable thing that holds the power to make you smile even when the world is falling down. That's what love is and I think that's what I'm feeling now. I was waiting for this. To get out of lust, jealousy and every obstacles that prevent you from feeling the true feeling of love. And when you get over all these obstacles, you'll fall in love. That's when you'll finally realize how beautiful it is.

Why care about looks? It's not like they're gonna stay forever. Why care about their behavior? It can change anytime. Why be jealous when you already know that he or she is yours after all? Even if you don't own them, you love them and that's enough. As long as you know that you love each other, nothing else matters.

I miss him but still I feel happy asf. Just because he's there, somewhere.
Still, I can't ignore my human characteristics which wants to claim him as mine. So, I've decided to confess.

*a few days later*

I gathered up all my courage and opened Jungkook's chat. Just when I was about to send the message, I got a notification from Jhope.

J-Dope
Hey y/n!!
I'm bored:(

You
Oh hey

J-Dope
Why do you look so less energetic?

You
Hm? Nope, it's nothing

J-Dope
It's good then:)
:)
:)
:)

__

I wanted to talk to J-hope now but I just couldn't wait to confess to Jungkook. I couldn't wait to say it and see him immediately calling and say "I love you too!!" excitedly. So that's what I decided to do first.

You
Jungkook...
I wanna say something.
It might be too late for it now but still I want to say it. I think I love you.
No I don't just think, It's true.
I do love you.

After a few minutes, he replied.

Justin Seagull
It's no longer the same for me

____________________________

1k?? Fr? 😭😭