Feelings

Anxiety

Noise.

What a terrible sound.

The air thickened as I sat at my seat. The world spinning, twisting and turning into a monster ready to kill. The cold hands of fear itself wrapped around my neck, hurting me, suffocating me. Time slowed as my turn crept closer and the feeling of helplessness grew as it set in that I can't do anything. My throat grew tighter and tighter and soon I couldn't even remember how to breathe. My chest aching desperately for the need of air, it began to heave. My lungs wanted out of my body while my heart wanted to close my body, the pain getting worse as my leg bounced in anticipation. I bowed my head to the table and tried hard to mute the voices and ignore the stares that weren't really there. Fear moved it's hands to wrap up my head, giving me thoughts I didn't want to know.

Eyes.

Their eyes.

Where are they?

On the papers on their desks?

No.

On me.

Me. Me. Me.
The eyes of the people watching, staring. The false impression that their eyes bore into my head as I sit seemingly lifeless. Only scaring me more. What's all of this for anyway?

Walking head first into something dangerous?

No.

One on one confrontation that gets personal?

No.

A class presentation.

I can barely look people in the eye yet I must speak to them as if there isn't an invisible noose around my neck, slowly getting tighter. How long until my neck snaps from pressure? I don't know.
The sudden feel of something touching me alerts me to look up. The teacher whispers but I didn't hear.

They try again.

Nothing.

One more time?

Nothing.

It's too late, my mind and body are somewhere else as my soul writhes on the floor underneath me. The feeling of not having a soul returns as the tears start to flow and the aggressive need of immediate air fills my thoughts.
Clenching at my throat as air seems to leave the atmosphere around me.

Their looking now. It's not an illusion this time. This time everyone is turning around to see the kid crying and wheezing on the floor.
This is the worst one yet.

I can't catch my breath.

I can't breathe.

I can't see.

I can't move.

I can't think.

The teacher grabs my arms and pulls me up and into another room, closes the door and leaves me to my own devices.

Silence.

What a beautiful sound.

It's calms me. Fear backs off, but sits in the corner waiting for it's time to play. Fresh air rushes into my lungs, the sight of the bright lights come to life in my mind. My lungs finally except that they are caged and will forever remain in their spots, and my heart opens my chest.

I sit in the silence, pure apathy pouring out of my every breath.

Silence.

What a terrifying sound.

It scares me, makes me panic. Fear stood from its place, bearing it's teeth in a sadistic smile. I have to act fast. What's worse?

The loud silence? Or the quiet hum of laughter and words?

Noise.

What a wonderful sound.

I need it.

I step from the room and sit at my chair like nothing ever happened. My presentation long forgotten as students carry on and the teacher ignores my unfinished project.
From the corners of my eye, I see fear slip into the darkness of the previously lit room.

I can finally breathe again.

I used to get horrible panic attacks from presentations, I still get them but less often. I tried to recreate how I felt so maybe someone without anxiety could get a small hint of what it could do to a person and how quickly things could change.
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