this used to be called Headcannons

The Talk (DSMP)

Wilbur took another sip out of his cup, setting it down on the table as he mindlessly wrote something else down on the paper.

He looked up upon hearing a door open. 

His son walked in, looking confused.

"Hey dad." He questioned, making me look up.

"what is it Fundy?"

Fundy looked at him with a puzzled expression.

I took another sip, preparing myself to answer whatever question I was about to face.

"what does sex mean?"

I choked out water, spraying it across the table and down my front.

"P-Pardon?" I coughed out.

"what's sex?" He repeated looking at me innocently.

"Fundy, hun, where exactly did you hear that word?"

"uncle Tommy said it to Grandadza." He stated simply, unaware of the situation he had just caused.

I rubbed a hand over my features and let out a groan. Of course Tommy had to say that, the little shit had no idea how much pain he had just potentially put Wilbur through.

Philza had given him the talk when he was about thirteen-ish, he had been introduced to the subject of puberty when he was eleven, but that was at the same time as techno so he now knew a little over the average about what a pigs developing years sound like.

(fun fact I never had this privilege as my mother threw me a book and told me to read it when I was at the ripe age of 10 years old but I was just 9 years old when my cousin told me that baby making existed)

But Fundy was 8, he didn't have the strength to tell an innocent child that.

"Honey, please never ask about that ever again, alright? It makes people very upset and Tommy was being very naughty when he said it. Do you understand?"

Fundy nodded, murmuring a sorry and going off to play somewhere else.

He sighed, taking his glasses off and holding his head.

I will buy that child fucking weed before I give him health class. He thought, dreading the day he would have to educate his son on the topic.

He heard the door open once again and quickly composed himself, not wanting Fundy to see his farther reduced to a sighing mess.

"hey mate, how you going?" Phil greeted, announcing himself.

"shitty." I responded simply. Looking at him with a poker face.

"he asked me about, you know. And just out of the blue as well. He walked in, asked, them walked out after."

Phil sighed.

"so did you tell him?"

He looked at the floor, sighing as a response.

"you gotta tell him one day, only a few more years until he starts to experience those changes. Those feelings, you're going to have to tell him."

"over my dead body."

Ghostbur looked at Fundy, he still didn't know, as far as I could tell anyway.

I sighed, giving up.

He floated over to where his son was standing.

Its time for the talk.

Made this out of a chain of comments, they were my inspiration for this one shot.

Follow them all:

@ProbablyLilac

@BrookeTheFlowerFox

@giiseleiguess

But yeah that's that kids don't ask your parents this if you are reading this.

GOD JUST FORGOT, THE WRITER OF SAID STORY IS HERE, FOLLOW THEM TOO AND READ THEIR WORKS.

@TinySoybean