The Known/Unknown Quantity

Chapter 4: Part 2

"What-what's to be done about this, dear boy?"

"Woll, we could just let it go away on its own."

"But-it would just come back-Augh! And it takes so long to go away!"

"Been like this since the last time we were here?"

Aziraphale rocked a little and bit his lip,"Em-hmm!"

"You're terrified. That's not going away either."

"My body—has never—expressed such-such-"

"Arousal?"

The angel bowed his head to his chest and keened, trying to muffle it in his vest. When he came back, beads of sweat dewed on his skin. "For you. N-not this terribly. Oh, what does it all mean? What is happening!!!"

"Don't do that. You're feeding the fear."

"But it's so daunting!" His breath was becoming labored again. He was closing off. Crowley lightly touched him to bring him back.

"Here, now look. It's not like we have seven kids, a labradoodle, and a cat on a leash all in the back of a station wagon, right?" he spoke very softly, without rancor. He lifted an eyebrow.

The angel smiled a little, but he was fighting back tears. The rocking intensified.

"You silly bugger, you had us half way there already. You're always wearing white, naturally. All we need now is that get-up you had in the Bastille days, and that top hat I used to own, and then you conjure, 'scuse me, miracle up a vicar, and it's tied up nicely, right?"

Again, the smile. But the pain, the sheer terror. "You're so good at mocking me. Make it sound like a compliment."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Let's get through this point."

"How can I help you-to help me?"

The demon sucked in his lips and paused. "You're the road I'm walking on right now," he offered. "So, you'll have to guide me, and we go slow, and then I can help you decide what to do about it. Tell me what you're feeling, in your head, and heart, and body."

"Like a rock! No, like a sun about to go supernova!"

"Not numb in any way?"

The angel shook his head vigorously.

"Blimey angel. That's some impressive hang time."

His friend shuttered. Crowley squeezed his knee. "Easy. Soon, very soon. But give me more specifics. Your head?"

"Swimming! So scared."

"Your heart."

"Pounding to get out of my chest! Ashamed, vulnerable....hungry like my stomach. On the point of famished!"

"Your body."

The angel fell silent, immersed in his shivers.

"Wake up. Come on, it's ok."

"The polar opposite of what death feels like," he stated flatly.

"Explain."

His friend's face was writhing, his shoulders rose and fell. The words came out betrayingly, savage, harsh, anguished. "So many feelings BROILING, overpowering. Demanding! I'm losing control of myself. I'm losing myself."