I Want You to Want Me

Chapter Five: The Death Of A Bachelor (Moments Part Two)

Someone shoved a cup of ice water into his field of view. Rather than drink from it, Remus held onto it with both hands, focusing on the cold against his palms and the beads of condensation collecting on the outside surface, following them as they ran down the tapered crystal walls to pool in the crevices between his skin and the glass. There was something or other happening around him, some other person who gave him the water, but he ignored it to count his breaths like he'd been taught by一

"Prince? You with me?"

Remy. It was Remy, not Jinx, not Aura, not one of the two people he hopelessly wanted here with him and the two he absolutely did not want seeing him in such a state.

Remus forced himself to breathe. "Yeah. Yeah, 'm fine."

He didn't see the look on Remy's face, but he doubted the bartender believed him.

"Look, this ain't really my cup of tea. You want me to call Emile? Maybe Lo-?" His phone rang, and he looked down at the caller ID. "Oh, thank the coffee gods." He muttered as he opened up his phone, "Aura, I need you."

Remus looked up at the name, his heart betraying him as it sought out a comfort he knew wouldn't come. The phone was being handed to him and he ardently wanted to take it. The last time his world felt like it was crashing down, it was Aura who had started to put him back together.

"I have to go," he muttered, not taking the phone.

"Remus?" The voice on the phone was muffled, but it brought all of the memories crashing back.

It was his first "room rental" since the night he'd made that dancer cry. Just being back here was enough to remind Remus how much other people actually had to work to survive, that they'd never earn as much money in an entire lifetime as he'd been born into. And that was the reason Jinx and Aura were here, wasn't it? It didn't matter why Remus was here, they were only here because they were being paid to be. Did they even like being here with him? Did they ever actually like their jobs? Or was he just another sleazeball from the club that they had to deal with because he'd bought their time?

The thought that he was nothing more than an obligation to Aura and Jinx made his intestines knot and churn and gurgle. Guilt pooled in his gut as he considered them trading tales about him like he was another customer service horror story. What were they saying about him? Was he just a waste of their time?

The creaking of the floorboards in the hallway outside snapped him back to attention. He needed to pull himself together, Aura would come walking in soon and he didn't want to waste a moment of their precious time together before they decided to kick him out permanently.

If they had met anywhere else, under different circumstances, would those two even look his way? Passionate, gorgeous, driven Aura? Bold, headstrong, willful Jinx? Remus was certain the dancers would have gotten his attention no matter how or where they met, but could the same be said about him? The more he thought about it, the more he realized how much he didn't deserve the two people he was lusting after, no matter how pure一or not一his intentions.

He pulled hard at his once-green hair, relishing in the focus the pain brought. The dye had already mostly faded out and was now much softer than his original coloring. He hadn't gone somewhere to re-dye it. Maybe he should. It always made him feel better when he did something drastic, but that wouldn't help him right now.

Remus bit at his lips, fighting to shake away the thoughts and push them back into the depths of his heart where they belonged. Each failed attempt was punctuated by the echo of the empty room. The silence was deafening, but the sound of the door knob turning was even worse.

He sat ramrod straight, eyes locked on the door as he attempted to be natural. "Just enjoy tonight," he whispered to himself, though his body didn't seem to get the message.