𝘖𝘜𝘛𝘌𝘙 𝘉𝘈𝘕𝘒𝘚 𝘐𝘔𝘈𝘎𝘐𝘕𝘌𝘚 + 𝘗𝘙𝘌𝘍𝘌𝘙𝘌𝘕𝘊𝘌𝘚

@ My Worst - Rafe

A/N:
This chapter is inspired by the song "@ My Worst" by Blackbear.

For this story, I'm going to say that Rafe has only done cocaine a few times and stopped because of Y/N finding out. Also, the reason he left college was because he couldn't handle being away from Y/N and he just wanted his dad's attention which he got even less of when he left.

Little background on this story:
The perfect couple's life went up in flames the second Rafe shot Sheriff Peterkin and now he's asking Y/N if she could love him at his worst.

May Contain: M/F, slight mentions of abuse, feels, angst, fluff.

____________________________________

Y/N and Rafe have been together since senior year of high-school. They were together when Rafe left for college and still together when he came back. To say their relationship was perfect would be very wrong but to Y/N, she would go to hell and back for that boy. He wasn't the greatest when it came to being an excellent boyfriend at times especially, when he got frustrated due to the lack of love and attention he received from his father. But he would cross oceans to be with Y/N. They weren't exactly each other's first but, Rafe would swear he would never touch another girl after being with Y/N. She was it for him.

But the second Rafe's pointy finger put pressure on the trigger, that's when they're perfect little lifestyle they had built, would all go down in flames. As he shot Sheriff Peterkin and she laid there, bleeding to death on the tarmac, that's when a little switch flipped in Rafe's brain. He knew he was losing his mind but, admitting it out loud that he was vulnerable, would be the last thing he would do if he wanted his father to love him. However, the more he hid his scars, the easier he bleeds.

Y/N was there at the time and witnessed it all, to say she was shocked was an understatement. She felt like her whole entire world was falling apart. How could the love of her life just kill an innocent woman like that? Was she next? As she stood there as still as she could, tears began falling down her face. Unable to say anything as Rafe stood in front of her, holding her hands and asking her if she still loved him.

When Y/N had snapped back to reality, she snapped her hands away from Rafe and tried running away but, she was unsuccessful as Rafe had picked her up and thrown her into his truck so they could get out of there.

During the car ride, Rafe continuously asked Y/N if she still loved him and then mumbled things to her saying, "I'm the worst", "I need help", "I've hurt you", "I'm so sorry" and so on. The whole time Rafe was talking, all Y/N could hear was faint noises as she kept zoning out... unable to believe what just happened.

Once they had made it back to Tannyhill, Rafe helped Y/N get out of the truck and guided her into his room. As she sat on his bed unable to get a single word out, he asked once more if she still loved him. He kneeled down before her as she sat at the end of his bed and tried guiding her with his hands to look at him. When she did, more tears fell from her eyes. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't think he could do such a thing. Yes, there has been times when he might've been too rough during sex and has choked her to the point she's almost passed out but, she didn't think he would go this far.

After a little while, she finally spoke and this is all she said, "am I next?"

This time Rafe was the one speechless. How could she think she was next? She was and is the love of his life. The only reason he gets out of bed every day. She is everything and more to him. When he looks at her, he sees his future. But now when he looks at her, his vision of their future together is slightly fading. He wasn't ready for her to one day forget him...he wanted to die old with her.

"No! How could you say that?", he said after a while with his tone sounding slightly angered which made Y/N flinch. The second he saw her flinch, his heart broke... was she scared of him?

"Because you just shot down an innocent woman and didn't blink an eye. You just took away someone's life Rafe? What else am I meant to think?", Y/N responded with an anger lacing in her voice as she stood up from the bed and began pacing and playing with the rings on her fingers.

"I thought I was doing the right thing at the time okay?! I know I did a bad thing and I need help Y/N. I seriously need help.", as Rafe said this, he was now sitting on the floor with knees close to his chest as he began to sob uncontrollably.

"I just need to know if you can still love me at my worst? Can you still love me even if it hurts? I pray to a God that I don't believe in every day that he protects you because I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. I know I don't always do good by you, but the way you say my name every time sounds so fucking beautiful to me and it gave me butterflies back then and it still does now. I know I've stabbed you in the back before when I was doing cocaine and I know that I'm best mistake you've ever had but Y/N I just have to know if you still love me?", as Rafe kept rambling on, he hadn't realised that Y/N had stopped pacing and was listening in to every word he had to say.

After a few minutes of no one saying anything and all you could hear was sniffling sounds coming from the both of them, Y/N finally spoke up.

"Rafe... I love you but I need you to turn yourself in. I don't want to see that poor Routledge boy get thrown into a cell for something he didn't even do. I know that he's a pogue and all but he is innocent and we both know that. We will sort you and I out once you've confessed to the police.", as Y/N said this with a soft tone, she had sat down in front of Rafe and held his hands in hers. Still shaken up that he could turn on her any minute but, he was worth the risk. She didn't see him as a throw away like his father did. She saw him as a broken boy who just wanted his father's acceptance.

"I'll do it... if it means that there is even a chance that I don't lose you, I'll do it."

As Y/N got ready to take Rafe down to the station to confess, she was still broken but knew that she would be the one person to never give up on him.

____________________________________

What did we think about this one?

Let me know!

My next Rafe chapter will have mentions of smut so stay tuned 😅

Thank you for reading 🤍