Once Upon A Bet

/40/ One more

Dedicated to VodkaBambi, thanks for the support

"Aaaand there." smiled Avery over her shoulder to me as I leaned against the back of the couch to see her laptop over her shoulder. "Are you ready?"

No. But I gulped down the clenching unease, unable to tear my gaze from the screen. All the steps were completed, the only thing left was to press accept and the account would be created. Only one click away and I would be back on the social media. My stomach twitched and dipped just remembering the last time I was and why I sign out.

I could feel my muscles weakening and cold sweat on the back of my neck despites the heat in this summer morning. I'm gonna get sick.

"Come on," rolled her eyes Fawn appearing from the hallway and plopping down on the across Avery. She'd been the last of us to wake up, but to be fair, she worked 'till late last nigh. Now freshly showered she was combing her long golden mane into a high pony tail as she talked. "It's a basic Insta account. Anyone who wants to be part of the society nowadays need one. You don't even need to post anything. Just... be up there." she shrugged easily. "You can also keep it private, you know? So only your friends get to stalk you."

I wish it could just be this easy. They waited for me to nod and even then, Avery took a good minute, giving me the chance to retreat, before pressing accept.

The moment we saw it appearing on the screen I couldn't help the wave of dread and vulnerability, the flashbacks and something broke within me. I could only press my palms against my mouth as I felt my eyes water against my will. 

"Nova?" I heard their surprise in the soft tone, the pity? I close my eyes, hiding in my hands as I tried to get my ragged pulse in control again. It's just an account. One bloody, stupid account. "Hey." arms embraced me and I cried louder now, feeling my chest on fire as my mind relived over and over things I thought I'd buried already. I didn't even know if these were sad tears, relieved tears or a mix of both.

"I-I'm sorry. I d-don't even know what's wrong."

"It's okay." Fawn cooed in my ear, her arms tightly around me and striking the little warmth within me.

This past few weeks living together, I discovered that nor only we were molting to the cohabitation was as easy as breathing, but there was something about Fawn that just clicked with me. She knew when to talk, when not, when to hug it out... Fawn got me in ways I wish she wouldn't because I knew she did because she must relate somehow. Not in vain she too had down moments and little crisis, especially at night. No matter how she tried to hide it, these were the kind of things difficult to conceal when you're living with someone.

She always seemed to know the right words and what buttons to push to make my daily meltdowns easy. Like now, that I was weeping over apparently nothing at all and yet she could calm me. I did the breathing techniques, getting my shaken nerves in trail once more.

I was finally starting to make sense of this whole depression thing. It wasn't something that would just go away, but a constant fight.

Sometimes I woke up feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. Feeling small, and pathetic, lonely and low.

But sometimes there was some light in this that helped me push, that help me push back. I had to struggle with it.

Sometimes I would lose, but sometimes I would find the will to push myself up. Now more likely than a couple months ago, and most of it was because of the new environment I surrounded myself with. And yet all these traumas had been there in the back of my brain, ready to jump and knock me out.