/18/ Sudden realization

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WARNING: the flashback contains a mature scene, read at your own risk


Dedicated to _riyajain_, thanks a lot for the all your support and patience <333


/Two years ago/


I stood there, resting against the house's side and watching the guys laughed and pushed each other threatening to throw one another in the pool. It was too cold to swim anymore and the sky was tainted with pink, orangish light the more the sun lowered.

Two hours. I'd been here for two hours and I barelly got Jake's attention at all.

I gulped the disgusting content Shawn had poured in the red cup I had, more anxious as the seconds stretched and the horrible song blaring through Tyler's backyard end to let another equally obnoxious start. My palms were sweating and I was having second thoughts about this but need to put an end to this mess was stronger.

It has been over a week since they catch us in the changing room and the trio got suspended. It had been a mess because not only I attracted the bad kind of attention, but also people grew suspicious of what I was doing with them in such a place. I've been getting weird glances ever since, from my schoolmates, from my friends... Roonie smiled and acted as if it was nothing but I noticed the way they whispered as soon as I was gone and it gave me cramps. The worst kind.

And on top of my reputation being put on a complicated spot, Jake got mad at me. I mean, I did snitch on them, but what was I supposed to do, uh? They would find us eventually an then I would have been dragged down as well. In something I'd taken no part of. Yet I was the bad guy.

Him giving me the cold shoulder felt like a stab. Like a punch in the guts, like being drowned in icy water. I suffocated, deprived from the sweet escape he allowed me. Even with my precariously saved reputation at stake, it still felt senseless with this constant throbbing in my chest.

At least I got him talking to me a few days ago, but it still felt cold and I knew he wasn't over it. And it hurt. Every time he would look at me with remorse, or betrayal... it would feel like a stab in my guts and made me wanna curl and cry.

Maybe it would have been better to just go with it? People would have talked either way. And I wouldn't have the only person that seemed to bring me peace mad at me.

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't lose him. So that's why I was gathering courage in this backyard, feeling out of place since the only one really talking to me was Shawn. I was a bit unease about our cover fully blowing up, but here there only were the trio, some of their friends from the west side of the river and a couple more girlfriends.

I'd come to this guy nights they had frequently, but never had I felt this out of place before. True, never had I been in this tense situation with Jake before but still.

They'd be leaving for that bar they love so much in short, and I wanted nothing more than to earn his forgiveness. It had been a little quarrell, weren't we mature enough to put it behind us?

I had lost a lot of things, but he was something I didn't think was at risk. Or rather didn't think I would need him so much. In just these few days I became painfully aware of how accustomad I'd grown to have him around.

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