My middle school life

Chapter 10 - On My Mind

MONDAY
Something was making me feel happy. Kk (known as Kayleens friend) started reading horoscopes. Which was a way beyond me why she started doing that. So, why not use it to my advantage. I told her to match me (vergo) and cancer (my crush CZ).

According to the app she uses it says the relationship should be successful. I want to believe that, but something about it is wrong. We started walking to my locker. After about 2 minutes Chris walked by. Kk was so addicted to this horoscope thing that she stopped him to ask for his birthday.

I staired at him. I walked away before I thought of anything stupid. I got inside the classroom. I sat down and before I knew it Pedro was there too. He was going to start talking to me about last night. So Pedro decided to tell me that was the wrong birthday.

Last night was bothering me. I liked one of Pedro's close friends. I didn't want to tell him. Kk WAS helping me, but 3rd period came I couldn't hide it any longer. He also found out on his own.
I'm not good under pressure.

After the period was over he told me to go see CZ with him. I obviously denied cause I'm stupid when I'm in LOVE. So I didn't go and he didn't go.
After school I got on Xbox. CZ and Pedro was in a party. I was being my stupid self again. I needed to tell CZ I was gay. Well more like I needed to tell Pedro to tell CZ I was gay. I still make a big scene about it for no reason.

In fact CZ was the first person I told in a short amount of time. I only knew him for 3 days. So Pedro told him. CZ was quite for a minute. Then started giggling. So I knew everything was fine.

Although something felt off. He left the party without a word. I felt different after. I don't know why, but I did. It really started to bother me. Well Pedro was still there to keep me happy. So we played games and we watched my show.

TUESDAY
This day was odd. Very quite, but nothing to talk about.

WENSDAY
It was quite for the past 2 days. Today was even more gray and dull then yesterday. I had to make up a test during period 5 and 6 also a bit of 7. After the test I had a serious headache. So it got to end of school day and my headache got worse. So it made me want to go home more.

During the bus ride sat down listening to music and playing games on my phone. When I got home the doors were open. Which I rarely see. It was also starting to rain. I walked in kinda slowly and closed the door quietly. Then I heard my dad said hey. So I knew I was okay. I got upstares and made food.

I sat down and turned my Xbox on. I joined my friends party and started playing. Pedro joined the party a bit after. I wasn't talking much even when he wasn't there. He left and invited me to a different party. I didn't join.

After everyone was afk I went on ig. I kept scrolling down to see new post. Then there it was. CZ kissing his gf. I knew he wasn't gay, but still. Something about that picture shut me down.

All my emotion was gone. Nothing not even a smile. I decided to show Pedro. He said he knew, but he didn't want to tell me. Well that didn't work out, cause I had only 2 emotions now. Upset and angry. After that I started thinking, whats the point. Just give up. I didn't even know why I was upset. So I crumbled my emotions up and threw them away.

I had no emotion what so ever. I remembered everything, but no feelings. Like having no heart.

THURSDAY
Today was my break down. My voice gets deeper, I talk less, I look worse and I stay alone. Everyone asked what's wrong. Well everything, I just couldn't do anything. I didn't want to see CZ, but I did at the same time. I didn't want to come to school cause I was going to do something stupid.

I couldn't think. I was so depressed. I haven't felt this way since 2 years ago. It was the end of the day, I was walking to the bus. That when CZ walked passed me. I didn't know what to do.
So I got mad and pushed my way to the bus.

I noticed the weather followed my feelings. which didn't bother me at all. I really try to be happy, but my mind wont allow that. After it got later at night I started thinking of him. I dont want to, but I cant do anything about it. My break downs last 2-4 days.

FRIDAY
I was feeling better. Well I still thought of him, but it didn't bother me. I just let it happen. The only thing was that I had mood swings. So I was pretty cocky.

After 3rd period Pedro said we were going to see CZ. I was pretty sure I can handle it. I did...till he gave me a high five. So I kinda just kinda started freaking out.

Late at night I started thinking of him. The only thing was that I couldn't handle it after. I couldn't think. So I decided sleep would help.

SATURDAY
I woke up. I almost forgot about him, but I didn't. Instead I fixed myself I just walked past those thoughts of him. Thats when my nieghbor rang my door bell. He needed help with email shit stuff.

So I helped him what he needed help with. It was very easy too. That wasn't the point, he had to leave early, because I had to go to dinner with my mom.

It was pretty great till we got home. Cause we had to watch movies, but I had a great time.