shishi gets rejected

disgruntled and disfigured

no one really knows how it feels to be a fetus in the womb

obviously.

being in a womb can be arguably agreed on to be the most peaceful one could ever feel in their entire lifetime

the reasoning? because it is when a person cannot feel nor think anything and can't process any emotions along with that

because they are not a person. 

"arguably" because the reason it can be agreed on to be the most peaceful time in one's lifetime is also the same reason there is no proof it could not be. 

there is nothing unpeaceful, yes but because there are no emotions. 

nothing provable at least. 

suppose being in the womb was the most peaceful part of one's life, they'd essentially be blobs of flesh floating in liquid 

yeah?

now, why would i start the chapter off with such a unconventional introduction?

well, if blobs of flesh floating in liquid are so peaceful then why is shishi currently fighting for her life?

ill refresh your memory!

before any of this stuff happened, shishi actually was very peaceful.

she had just been saved by some mysterious glowing force, reminiscent to her beloved 5 foot tall life size gold plated 70 kg queen statue.

shishi was really tired after everything that just happened and she felt very at ease in the moment so she ended up just falling asleep

somewhere after that, she regained a bit of consciousness 

shishi could feel herself in a new environment

a new sensation.

it wasn't cold but it also wasn't hot it wasn't really anything temperature wise...

it felt serene and secure

it didn't feel normal at all.

but it wasn't scary, it was ethereal how safe this felt

shishi couldn't see at all but she didn't mind

she wasn't trying to open her eyes

there was no need

she felt no danger to look out for

nothing she'd have to steer clear of.

but

yknow

shishi? having a good time??

that's not what this story's about.

where's the next tragedy!1!!!?11!?!?

shishi feels a disturbance in her utopia* and begins to flail her arms intensely as her lungs fill

fill with what? 

hmm...fill

liquid, of course!

[*was gonna mention how ironic it is that the root meaning of utopia is "a place that does not exist" and then remembered that's just a alice in borderland reference at this point]

this perfect place that provided this perfect feeling

is it really a physical thing though, she never saw anything

is it all in shishi's head?

knew she was off on drugs again! tone it down!

oh but her lungs filling rapidly with immense amounts of water is not a hallucination though.

shishi's throat burns as she gasps for air continuously to nothing but more water flowing into her lungs

it's as if waves are crashing against her

the contrast between these moments are so disturbing.

yet familiar.

this new feeling, it's deja vu