P.S. Because I Loved You.

P.S. Because I Loved You [1].

You're in for a mysterious adventure! This story revolves around love, bottled up thoughts, bitterness, revenge, murder and coping with pain. It's a thiller that will blow your mind away.

-------------------------------------------------

July 31st:

Dear Ethan,

They are fighting again. She broke a few vases and he punched the wall; all this raucous clatter I have to ignore. I try my hardest to pretend that they are not fighting. I mean, it's normal right, for parents to fight? Well, why does it not feel normal then? I feel like I'm the only one who has to suffer this. They scream,  throw bitter words, and blame each other for every problem they have in their life. Who knew marriage would end up in the gutter in the blink of an eye? The worst part is, I'm the reason they fight. I'm the burden they have to carry. I guess I can never make them proud, no matter how much I try. He blames her for my birth and she blames him for causing the birth. They never wanted me but they don't have the guts to put me in foster care. Right now he is scorning her for the financial crises I have caused and the double shifts he has to do in order to pay the bills.

I turn my headphones up louder and listen to the soothing voice of Pink. I don't need to hear anymore of their complaints. I'm sick and tired of the same nonsense they quarrel about. I turn the volume up to the highest it can possibly go, hoping to drain away their voices. The beat of the music bangs on my eardrums and my head spins with the truth of the lyrics. Pink's words are thrown like bullets at me. Made a wrong turn, once or twice. Dug my way out, blood and fire. The yelling creeps up in my ears but the volume has already reached its limit. Bad decisions, that's alright. Welcome to my silly life. I can now hear the aggravating voice of her, "Why do you have to blame me for everything when you were the one....?!?!" Damn the volume. Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood, Miss knowing it's all good, it didnt slow me down. Mistaking, always second guessing, underestimating, look I'm still  around... Her voice fades away as the words are rushed and I hear the sound of glass breaking.

I take my headphones off and slip open the door to where I can see them. It has gone silent and they are not at the dining table like usual. I tiptoe down the narrow hallway and turn left to where the couches are. It was dead silent and the place felt ghostly. I crept upstaires and peeked at all the rooms  but they were no where at sight. One place I did not check though, was their bedroom. I always felt the butterflies when I got near their room. Although this was technically my home, I still felt like an intruder. I felt like I did not belong there. I touched the door handle and my hand began to shake. I could feel the tiny droplets of sweat jumping out from my skin. I could hear the loud beating of my heatbeat in the hushed muteness - it was pounding in my veins. My stomach flipped over and my body started to quiver. The door was unlocked. I held my breath and strained my head through the small crack. My eyes then witnessed them kissing. Intertwined, their hands were locked together. I quickly closed the door and ran to my room, trying to make minimal sound.

I shut the door, took a deep breath and burried myself in my bed. I couldn't stop the tears from leaking. I stuffed a pillow in my face to keep a tiny yelp from escaping. I sobbed until the sheets were wet and the portion of the matress was drenched. I blew my nose hard on the kleenex and tried to wipe the tears. They dripped. I could not get them to stop so I cried again. A huge lump formed in my throat and clogged it. My head felt heavy and my eyes stung. This time, fortunately, I could control myself. I pulled my iPod from the dresser and forced the headphones on. I pressed the shuffle button and was about to cry again when the song played. Avril Lavigne's depressing voice almost turned on the waterworks.

The song was "When you're gone" and it was your favorite, Ethan. I remember you singing it to me with your guitar in the middle of the night. You had snuck out of your house and climbed the tree in our backgroud which hooked up to my balcony. Our house, although small, had three stories and my room was on the second floor. That night was perfect. You sang me to sleep and I felt as if time had frozen just for us. When I woke up, a little before four A.M., you were still there beside me. I had gone frantic thinking that you'd left but instead your eyes were wide open, staring into mine. I had asked you, "Why are you still here?" and you sang to me... "When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now? When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you....". Your voice was flawless and so deep. I would always drown in it when you sang to me. Your arms hugged me tighter as you leaned in for a kiss.

I take my headphones out and throw them on the floor. I bring my knees to my chest and sink my head down. I squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want to think about you anymore. It hurts too much. I know that you are gone but at the same time you aren't. Your prescence still lingers within me and your voice still plays in my dreams. Ethan...I miss you so much. I wish you would come back. But if you could, I know you wouldn't. You would never ever look at me again, after what I did. How could you look into the eyes of the same girl who took away your life?

Rosalie