Favorite Crime

10. in-depth, you water my vacancy

Jennie

I woke up to an empty bed, panic instantly makes its way through my body and heart—as I remember the events of the day before. Having that talk with her grandmother, meeting Lisa in the bar, and seeing her state. The way she looked like a mess and someone who lacked the energy and confidence to find home.

My frown deepens when she enters the room, looking ready to leave. She had her coat on and all, "Lisa?". I called her name.

No answer.

"Lisa?". This time, she looked my way, seeming so distracted, she hummed in response.

"Where are you going?".

"I'm leaving".

I gulped hard and got off the bed, to move closer to her, "Why? Lisa, you can't be doing this".

"And what am I doing, Jennie?". She looked annoyed yet calm.

"Leaving, Lisa. Why are you so stubborn?".

She blinked at me like I'm someone who grew another head and was out of their mind, "My decisions are based on stubbornness now? Unbelievable".

She took a deep breath, her hands falling at her sides, in defeat, and sadness, "Listen, Jennie. Before we fight, or anything. All I'm saying is, I don't feel like I belong here anymore".

I couldn't even be mad at her, no matter how much I tried. Lisa did no such wrong, but my ego kicked in so many times.

Your ego ruins the goodness.

"So, I'm going to leave". She rubbed the back of her head nervously.

It all felt weird, because we were still married, yet acted like strangers.

"Why do you feel.. like you don't belong?". I barely asked above a whisper, not believing the fact that she felt like she didn't belong with us. And what did this mean?

Was she asking for a way out?

A way to flee?

"It doesn't concern you anymore, Jennie".

Witnessing cold Lisa was like an iceberg, settling upon my heart. This wasn't the playful woman that I fell for—rather the distant one, that I haven't seen in a while.

-

Walking down the stairs, my eyes were met with the sight of my beloved ones. Ella, and my wife. An echo of Ella's laughs as Lisa tickles her, "You're growing up so fast, little one".

I could see the proud smile on Lisa's face as she patted Ella's head. Our baby pouted, "Is that bad, mommy?".

A distant smile caresses those beautiful lips, and I can't help but let my tears out. Watching the scene, I strike myself as a part of an audience who shouldn't be there, who doesn't deserve this.

I don't deserve them.

"Of course not, El". Our daughter wrapped her arms around Lisa, who spoke wisely, "You will forever be my little one, dear".

"I love you, mommy".

Lisa breaks the hug and caresses our daughter's cheeks lovingly, "I love you too, Ella. Everything about you reminds me of all that I've loved and lost". Instantly, Lisa realizes what came out of her mouth, so she just shrugs her head and smiles, "I love you, princess".

My heart aches at her words.

Loved and Lost?

How can you lose what you already own, my love?

A regretful heart, can't save you, Jennie.

I wiped my tears and managed to get the courage to go down and see them. Ella ran to my arms, engulfing me in a hug. "Mommy! I missed you".

"I'm here, baby". I smiled at her.

She tugged at my hand with her little one, "Mommy? Mommy Lisa made us breakfast".

I looked up to meet those eyes that no longer have the ability to look at me. Lisa clears her throat.

I squeezed Ella's little hand, "Hungry baby?".

"Starving, mommy!".

Ella pulled my hand and Lisa's as we sat to eat together, for the first time in a long time, us three.

"Tasty?". Lisa asks our daughter, who hummed and raised her thumbs up with a huge smile.

"Good, I will cook for you whenever I can, El".

I was quiet the whole time while the two started chatting about cartoons and how Ella has been doing at school. One question out of the little one surprised both Lisa and me, "Mommy? Why don't I see you around? You're never home". The question was directed at my wife, who blankly stared at me. Although, sadness could be seen in the corner of her eyes.

Was I the cause of it?

Will we keep guessing, Jennie?

I averted my gaze and looked down at the scrambled eggs instead.

"Work baby". Lisa simply answers.

"Well, can you stay so we can play? Please, please, please!".

I gulped hard, hoping for her to stay. A part of my heart was hoping she would stay longer, stay forever. Forever? Hasn't that been what I feared for so long?

Lisa sighs heavily, "Of course, anything for you". She pinched Ella's cheeks, who just giggled adorably.

When breakfast was done, Ella headed up to her room. Now, I was left with the awkward silence of the living room that has been once our shelter and place for sweet gestures. Memories of everything flood my head.

"Ella's teachers called me". Lisa spoke out of the blue, "They said she hasn't been doing well at school—almost like she distances herself from children around her".

I nodded, "I heard". My heart skips a beat when our eyes meet, but I had to ask, "Do you think she's getting affected with.. this?". I pointed at the two of us.

"Maybe Jen—I meant, Jennie".

The nickname slipped through her mouth. A part of me felt emotional, and the other was torn at this distance. She's giving me what I want, yet here I am, missing and longing for her.

Ella comes back and jumps happily, "Time to play!".

And for the first time in a long time, I saw Lisa's eyes flicker with so much hope at Ella—like our daughter is the fixture to this damaged marriage. She smiled genuinely at our daughter and picked her up, "Someone seems excited".

When Lisa looks my way. The eye contact repels us, but Lisa was the first to look away.

'Maybe I still want you', was what I wished could say to her, to my wife.