Sweet Agony (Slaxl)

XIII

Slash's POV:

"You're gonna overdose again," Duff scolded me the following morning. "You've gotta keep it under control if you wanna be there for Axl." We were walking down the street, nothing accompanying us but the songs of various local birds. 

"It is under control." It would be fine. All I need is a little bit a day to get through. It's not like it's my lifeline. "Besides, I'm alive now."

"Yes, you are alive now. But will you be alive tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Face it, Slash, you're just as bad as he is."

"I am not! I'm a good influence!"

"You're a horrible influence! You took Axl somewhere where he as five hundred different ways to kill himself and passed out on him! You broke him out of the mental hospital with your own interests in mind! You destroyed a therapy office just because we wouldn't let you keep your precious pet singer!"

"Don't talk about him like that! I have a perfectly healthy-"

"You've suppressed your feelings for so long that they've groan into a fucking redwood so fucking tall and strong that you can't even see that you're hurting everyone around you! Especially yourself." He was screaming at me, frustrating me with his stupid comparison. "You and Axl are not in a healthy relationship - friends or otherwise. Do not try to lie to me, I've seen it first hand." 

"Why should I give a damn what you have to say?"

"You know that Axl's overdosed before too? He almost killed himself over people, he tried to. If you do the same, he'll replicate what he sees because he's so fucked in the head he's not sane! You've both jumped way off of the deep end." He stopped walking. "I'm not telling you as your bandmate but as your friend. Slash, you need to come back to reality before this dark hole you've dug yourself into closes over."

I spit on the ground, revolting the bassist. "I don't care what you think of me. I don't care what any of you think of me. I don't care if I die tomorrow, or if Axl follows after me. I'm done with you, I'm done with therapy, and I'm done with this feeling. If shooting up makes it better, I'd like to see you try and stop me."

Duff furrowed his brow, anger and frustration moving across his face. "You've been hanging out with Axl way too much, man. You can't even see when you've gone way too far. I think you should try talking to Nikki."

"What's he gonna know?"

"What it's like to be in this dark place that apparently Axl has drug you into. I'm getting you help from someone who's by no means professional, but might be your last hope."

&&&&&&&

That night, I was biting down hard on the rubber arm band that was keeping everything tight so that I didn't bleed when the needle went through my arm. I reminded myself mentally to hold still until the needle was gone, and then it was out of my arm, the drugs filling up my veins. Life could be so much more amazing if heroin just pumped through my heart. Axl wasn't around, he'd gone off to take a shower. 

Oh, no. He might try to drown himself! I tried to stumble to my feet, but I was pretty much stuck on the floor. Drugs like these always made it hard to walk, my limbs basically part of another person's body. So I called out. "AXL!!!! ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!?!" I received back another shout, but I wasn't sure what he'd said. Considering we were the only two in my house, I was safely assuming that it was him telling me that he was very much still alive. I was overreacting. Duff was overreacting. Everyone was fine. 

There was a knock on the front door. I crawled towards it, struggling to move at all. This was a dangerous idea, there were snakes slithering all over the ground. Too many snakes, they'd bite me down here. Oh, they'd bite Axl too. He might die in this crazy jungle I've made for myself. Oh, oh, oh. 

I somehow made it to the front door, opening it to find my friend with dark and crazy hair. "Nik," I sighed.

"You're a mess," He said. "A real mess."

"You were once, too." I'd forgotten that he'd gotten sober with the rest of his band. "But you're all better now, straight-edge man."

"It is better. Look at you." He gestured to my general state. "And you wanna take care of someone else? Don't be crazy." He invited himself in. "I think that we need to have a long talk."

"I don't wanna talk. Ax's in the shower."

"You're too fucked up for that, dude. Let's just talk first." Oops, I guess I implied that I wanted to have sex. Although, the thought of that didn't seem all that bad... "Just a long conversation. Musician to musician." He sat on my sofa, patting a spot next to him. I managed to take it.