Sweet Agony (Slaxl)

XIV

Axl's POV:

As I walked carefully through the large house that Slash lived in, I could hear voices in one of the few living rooms. One of them was definitely Slash's, the other one I couldn't quite place. They seemed to be well engaged, though. I figured I'd leave them alone.

I walked back through the house and up to the guest room. It was the one closest to Slash's own bedroom, but it was still so isolated. I felt like I was in the hospital all over again. As I looked out the room's large window, I could only think of ways to hang myself off of the ledge. God, what is wrong with me?! Slash told me that I was thinking about suicide way too much, why hadn't I asked for help then? I needed it, but I just couldn't have it. No one seemed to know how to help me.

I exited my room, wandering off to the master bedroom, or Slash's room. It was pitch black in there, so I flicked on a light. A large bed with an elegant, black headboard was in the center of the room. On either side were matching nightstands. On the far side of the room two windows were on either side of a dresser with a mirror on it. On the dresser were about a thousand different needles and powders. I walked further into the room, the scent of cigarettes sickeningly strong in here. I sat on top of the guitarist's bed, bouncing up and down a few times before I laid down. I'm sure he wouldn't mind, would he?

I lifted up the covers, and I slid myself inside of them. They were surprisingly heavy, which made my eyelids heavy. Oh, I could go to sleep so easily now...

"Are you alright?" Slash asked, poking my cheek.

"I will be once you stop poking me," I grumbled. I looked around. The setting was familiar but very hard to place. I couldn't be sure where the dream was taking place. "Where are we?"

"You dream world. I've got a long letter from your subconscious here." Slash waved a piece of paper that had magically appeared. "But I won't bore your with the details. Tell me what's going on." He invited me to sit next to him.

"Don't be crazy, I never tell you shit."

"I know that." I sat next to him. "But I thought that you might want tonight to be a little different. After all, you know that the real me could drop dead any minute."

"Why'd you start doing the drugs? Was it because of me?"

"It was for fun. I guess once you were gone, I took it to the extreme." He got a faraway look in his eyes. "If you really wanna know though, you should ask me in real life. I know you don't like talking about that feely stuff, but you really should. Tell me what's going on though. Tell me why you need me here now."

"I guess I just really wanted to see you. I like your company."

"Aww. I thought that you wanted me to give you some sugar." He make a kissing face. "But spending time with you is sugar enough for me."

"You're just saying that."

"I'm Dream Slash, I can say whatever I want. Or whatever you want me to. I can be anyone you need for me to be. But right now, I don't think that you need me. How come you're sleeping in my bed?"

"My own is too cold and isolated."

"Axl, is it possible that you're catching feelings?"

"What? No! You know how I feel about gay people." I looked away from him.

"But you're not so sure about yourself. Maybe you're not gay, you just have a thing for me. Think of me as an honorary woman."

"You're crazy when you talk like that."

"I'm always crazy to you. But you're missing the point. I just wanna understand why you're suddenly so okay with me taking care of you? Why do you suddenly need me? Can't you see that it's hurting me more than it's rewarding me?"

"I know that I'm being selfish with your love, but I can't help it. It feels so nice to be loved. Now that I've submitted to it, I don't want it to go away. Please don't make me let you go." I pouted, not knowing where any of this was coming from anymore.

"I understand." He looked away, now smoking a cigarette. "You've been here longer than you've thought. Axl, I'm in the room with you now. Why don't you talk to me in real life?"

"There are consequences in real life."

"Just do it. No consequences. Nothing you could do could keep me away from you." He offered a warm smile. "Just do what you know you need to do."

I woke up quickly, looking at a mess of curly hair above me. He pulled it back after a few seconds, realizing that I was awake. "What're you doing in my bed?" He asked me. 

"Your guest bed was cold and isolated."

"Axl, you can't sleep with me."

"Why not?"

"Because I shit the bed!" He snapped at me, confusing me. "I'm sick, Ax," His voice grew sad this time. "I'm sick."

"You're no sicker than I am. I don't care what happens to you. I ain't leaving."

"Why do you always have to make everything so fucking difficult all the time? Why can't you just accept that I don't want for you to see me like this?"

"You busted me out and invited me to stay with you. Now I get to see all of it." I pulled the covers up higher, turning away from him and closing my eyes. "Good-fucking-night."

"I watch you while you sleep," He said. I sat up, looking at him. "I listen to you talking in your sleep. You talk about me all of the time. You're in love with me in your dreams. It's the reason why I fell for you."

I could only blink at him. I already knew all of this, but him admitting to it made it that much worse. I knew he was only doing it to scare me away. He'd risk losing me just so I didn't have to see him strung out? That's either very selfish, or very selfless. It depends on how you look at it... "I don't care. I'm tired. You can watch me all night and jerk off to the sound of my voice for all I care." I laid back down, reassuming my former position. 

"Axl, please leave. Please leave me be." He was begging this time, pleading. I finally threw the sheets off. 

"Fine, I'll leave!" Oh, I'd make him regret it. Even he didn't want me around anymore. See, why am I even in this damn world? I've got to be out of here and gone. Gone, gone, gone, gone.