Sweet Agony (Slaxl)

X

Slash's POV:

"So tell me about Axl," my therapist said to me. I looked at her, unable to understand the words coming out of her mouth. I was so intoxicated my veins may as well have been golden from all of the heroin pumping through them, my head its own bottle of Jack. My feet were propped up on a table with a vase on it, I kicked over the vase, finding the shattering amusing. 

Why should I give a shit? My life is meaningless because Axl is basically dead forever. My relationship with the man I thought supported me fully no matter what was strained, too. Steven was just as bad as I was with the drugs, and Izzy was offering no support because he was backing everything Duff said. Nonetheless, I answered her question for an excuse to talk about Axl. "He hates himself," I mumbled. "But I love him enough for both of us."

"Why do you feel this compulsion to take care of him?" Her body was welcoming, open and calm. I didn't like it at all. 

"He's got no one else to do it." That was only half-true. There are probably plenty of people in this world who would be more than happy to put up with every minute of Axl's bullshit, but none of them could love him as much as I did. I stepped up more out of jealousy than anything else. "I love taking care of him."

She looked me up and down. "Tell me what you think that a dependency is?" 

"When you can't live without having something," I answered blankly. Where was she going with this?

"Do you think that you may have become too comfortable with the idea that Axl was going to die?"

"I don't follow," I snapped. It came off way harsher than I'd meant for it to. Why should I be polite to her. 

She took a deep breath. "Let me rephrase the question. Are you worried that Axl is going to kill himself?"

"Of course I am. That's why I've gotta-"

"And you think that the only thing keeping him from that would be a reason to live? That you alone could be that sole reason why he stays here?" She'd cut me off, but it was with good purpose. 

I sat back on the chair she had me sitting in. There was no response that I could give to her. Not just because I couldn't come up with a half-sober answer, but because I couldn't come up with an answer at all. Of course I wanted Axl to believe that he had something to live for, but how could I have let my slip up so far in the process? Had I ruined my own life trying to save Axl's? So may questions, so few answers. 

That night, I was sitting around my house, snakes slithering around me every which way. I needed to get to the phone to get more drugs, but it was so far away. Getting up from this corner, from this dark, cold corner where the needle was right next to me, it seemed so difficult to do. My mind was racing. One single question seemed to ring out over and over again though. Is Axl okay? Is Axl okay? Is Axl okay? Is Axl okay? 

I brought my knees to my chest, careful not to get caught on any of the snakes. "Ax, baby?" I called to no one but the ceiling. "Please tell me you're okay. I know that you were when I saw you a few days ago, but this suspense is killing me. I just know that they're hurting you. They don't know how to take care of y-" I stopped talking when I heard my phone start to ring. 

I shot up, stepping over the snakes carefully before racing the the phone. "What? What? Who is it?" I demanded. 

"Are you Saul Hudson?" A very serious voice rang out at the other end. 

"Who's asking?" I replied, keeping my voice low even though I was alone. Something about the fact that this mysterious person knew my secret identity freaked me out. "Who are you?"

"There's a man here who's been asking for you. I believe his name is William Rose?" I heard the shuffling of papers as though he was looking through a file. That's how they're treating him. Axl's just a file. My blood boiled at the thought of it. Axl's nothing but a fucking file to them. He's just another fucking file, another obituary, another body taking up space. 

"I'm coming." The phone was flying out of my hand before another word could get out of the doctor's mouth. It was slamming down onto the counter with a sound loud enough to echo throughout the entire house. 

After grabbing my keys and jacket, I got into my  car and started driving. I gripped the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles turned white. "I'm coming back, Axl. I'm coming to rescue you."