Sweet Agony (Slaxl)

XV

Slash's POV:

I woke up in the morning to wet pants and wet sheets. Great. I'm a grown-ass man, and I can't even go a single night without having an accident. I stripped, wanting to get on clean clothes and out of the room that smelled like piss. 

After I got dressed, that's when it hit like a brick. I'd told off Axl last night. Of course I'd had good intentions. I didn't want for him to see me so unstable, but I might've done it wrong. I hoped he hadn't taken anything the wrong way. I walked down the hallway to his guest room. I found no one in there. 

I walked downstairs to the kitchen. Maybe he'd gotten something to eat. There was nothing there either. I called his name while I looked through the house, footsteps becoming progressively more frantic. He's not here. If he's not here, I don't know where he is. I wanted to collapse. I wanted to fall to the ground and scream. I wanted to shoot up until I bled out and died. I couldn't do any of those things though, I needed to find Axl. 

It was then that I noticed something by the front door. A paper with a handwritten note. 

Dear Slash,
By the time you read this, I'll already be gone. From your new perspective though, I'm sure that wouldn't be a bad thing. Ha, isn't that something? I hope you know that you're the reason why I jumped off of a cliff. I thought I'd found my reason to live. I thought that you were going to love me. God, was I mistaken. I guess I was a fool to believe that you might actually care about me. So I mean what I'd told you. Good fucking bye.
Ice cold regards, 
Axl

I pulled on my hair, wishing it would fall out of my head. "Oh, God. What've I done?!" And I'd slept all damn night! Axl's gone. I've killed him! I've killed Axl! He's gone. It's all my fault. 

I knew there was a chance though. I knew that there was a tiny chance that he might still be alive somewhere, looking down the edge of a cliff. I could feel him contemplating it all right now. I raced out the front door, running down the street like a crazy person while I set out to fix what I'd done.

&&&&&&&&

I found him sitting on a cliff about an hour after I'd set out. "Axl!!!!!!" I screamed, probably ripping my throat raw. I ran to him, grabbing him and pulling him against me. "I'm so sorry. Please don't- I'm so sorry." I cried against him while I held him against me.

Something was off about him though. He wasn't his usual sarcastic 'nobody loves me' self. He had this glassy look in his eyes, and his body seemed weak against me. "Did you intoxicate yourself?" I asked him.

"I didn't need to," He replied. "When I came here, I couldn't feel it anymore."

"Axl," I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, "that's not okay."

"What? Are you upset because you couldn't protect me? Do you feel pathetic?"

"Do you want me to?"

"YES!!" He screamed at me, pushing on my chest. He stood up. "I want you to hurt! I want you to feel pain! I want you to feel stupid for this! I want you to want to take a blade to your wrist! I want you to want to jump off of that cliff! That's what I want, Saul! I want you to feel pathetic!"

"Ax-"

"Don't 'Ax' me! I'm sick of you being clingy and needy and sugary sweet all the time! Why can't you be pissed at me for this? Why can't you be angry?!" He was fuming. I thought he'd said he felt numb. God, was I fucking wrong.

"I can't be angry at you. When I'm angry at you, I'll push you off of that damn cliff."

"Go ahead and try. What do I got to lose anyway?" He held his arms out like he wanted for me to. Was he crazy? I could never hurt him. "Well, go on. Try and push me off." I stood up as well, but I didn't push him. "I've been trying to hurt you for the last three days," He whispered. "Yet you won't give in to it. I'm beginning to think that you're a sociopath."

"I guess it's hard to stay mad at someone you love. It's hard to stop forgiving someone you're smitten with. I don't know how to be like that towards you. You mean the world to me, and if I was the reason you jumped off? I'd never forgive myself!"

"You can't tell me you love me when we're not even together."

"I'm calling this an exception. Please, let's just go back to my house."

"You still think that you can fix what you've broken. You don't pay attention." He stepped closer to the edge of the cliff, and I reached for him, frozen in time. Everything was frozen. "It's funny, really. But I guess I love you, too." And he jumped. I snapped out of my pose, grabbing for his hand while he fell to his death.

"Someone call a doctor!!! Get this man to a hospital!!!" I screamed into the air. People started to stare at me. What did I care? I needed to save Axl. He'd actually went and done it. He tried to kill himself. But look down at seeing him lying on his back down there, I knew that he hadn't succeeded. He was screaming in pain, face twisting in agony. "Stay still, Ax! I promise help is on the way!" I shouted to him, feeling tears run down my face. 

Things had spiraled way out of control again.