In July

20.Whatever

Julio

As soon as I was done with the dishes I ran over to the couch, where she was sitting. "Was it edible at least?", I admit I burned a few pancakes, but I ate those. "It was bearable.", she laughed. I loved that warm feeling I got in my chest every time she smiled. I plopped down next to her, she was watching Game of Thrones. I pulled her face into my chest and kissed her forehead. We talked for hours. Chatting about school and reminiscing about old times. Then we just went silent. We missed out on so much, ten years away from each other. What I would give to have more moments with Ana to look back on. At least we found each other again. I sure didn't think we would end up here. I hope to god I don't fuck this up. She intertwined her small soft fingers with mine, I kissed her hand. "I'm glad we're here now. Doing...whatever this is, whatever you wanna do.". She looked godly. Her glowing golden brown skin looked so delicate, like I wasn't supposed to touch her. I felt like I was going way too fast, it was too soon to ask her to be my girlfriend. I didn't want to scare her, but I wanted her all to myself, I didn't want to miss my chance.

Ana

Was he seriously trying to trap me into a situationship? Did he think I was some kind of hoe?! That I would just be and his beck and call? I reminded myself, I want what I deserve and nothing less. Even if that means being alone. "Whatever this is?", the tone in my voice wiped the smile off his face. He turned even paler than he already was, "I'm not anybody's "whatever".". He gripped me even tighter, "That's not what I was trying to say,", his voice was shaky, "I want to be with you, but I don't want to ask for too much. I don't want to go too fast...not that you're going too fast! I just mean I want to do...whatever you're comfortable doing...whatever you're comfortable calling this...us.". 

Typical. Instead of being a man about it, he leaves it up to me to decide what we are. If I want a relationship, I'm tying him down. If I don't want a relationship, I'm just a cum rag. Why can't guys just say what the fuck they want?! "You don't know what you want? Or you don't want to tell me what you want because you might not get it?", I raised a brow at him. His grip got tighter like he didn't want me to walk away. 

Julio

"I want you! I just don't know how much of me you want. I don't know if you still want to be just friends or if you want to be more than that. I don't know how you'll react if I ask you to be my girlfriend, or what that will do to us if you say no, what it will do to me if you say no!"

It was silent for a minute after I said that. I shouldn't have raised my voice. She stared at my chest, I was holding her so tight I felt like I was going to leave a bruise. I lifted my hands from her waist to her face, caressing her jawline with my thumbs. "I won't say no. But you have to ask for what you want. I can't read your mind, Jay.", her gaze didn't move from my chest. I lifted her chin, her eyes looked angry but her tone was soft. I couldn't help but lean in to kiss her and thank god she let me. She gasped, grabbing my tee-shirt, pulling me closer. I wrapped my fingers around her neck, wrapping my other arm around her soft waist. I kissed her deeper and deeper, until we were breathing each other in.  I pulled away, "You're right.". She sat up on the couch, I was inches from her face. "Will you...let me be your boyfriend, and your friend?", I felt like there was something clogging my throat. The air felt too thick to breathe, waiting for an answer. Waiting for Ana to put me out of my misery. 

She climbed on top of me, "That would be...amazing.". I was sitting, slouched on the couch between her legs. She kissed me, wandering from my lips to my neck. I felt a strong heat on my groin.