In July

22.The Box

Julio
Her legs were still quaking, as was her breath. Soft small fingertips laid on my face, caressing my cheeks and jaw. I could feel she was ready, but I asked her anyway. I could see her shadow on the headboard, nodding yes. She took me in so swiftly, like she needed me urgently. As urgently as I needed her. Her wetness spread with every thrust. She felt at ease, not wincing in discomfort as she did before. I felt her warm gentle breath on the side of my neck and leaned into it. It felt weakening, almost ticklish. Everything felt heightened in the cold darkness. What I would give to be a fly on the wall of my bedroom. To watch ourselves at this very moment. I wanted to know what thoughts bounced behind her eyes. If as many of her thoughts were about me as mine were about her.

*Cell Phone Rings*

Ana

Fuck

"It's probably just my mom. Ignore it.". I would rather be in this moment than spend one second on my mom and whoever this month's boyfriend is. "That's actually my phone. Which means it's probably my mom, I just need one minute.", he went from rearranging my guts to standing in the hallway butt naked and on the phone in less than five seconds. I sat up on the edge of the bed, cold. I was wrapping myself in the blanket when suddenly Jay ran back into the room and turned the lights on. "My mom just landed which means she'll be home in like 20 minutes!", he started putting his clothes back on so I did the same, "Get dressed, get your stuff and meet me by the car.". I gathered everything as fast as I could, slightly lightheaded from how fast I stood up. I ran downstairs, disheveled. I was still wearing his clothes, carrying my outfit from last night in my arms. 

I stood next to the car, shivering. I felt so warm on the inside it almost made me forget how cold it was outside. He unlocked the door and held it open for me, "I'll bring you the rest of your stuff as soon as I can. She wouldn't mind that you came over, but it's different now. We're older. She'd definitely suspect that we're tearing that bed up if she finds out you slept over.". To be honest I was glad she didn't catch us in there together, "I did not want her seeing me like this either!", I laughed. "My hair is a mess, and I'm wearing your clothes. She would have insisted on giving me a makeover like she used to. She was so sweet!", he pulled out onto the street and into the freeway towards campus. "She always wanted a girl.", his voice was heavy and remorseful. "Yeah, but that's not your fault.", I rubbed his forearm. 

"I don't know about that. We were struggling, financially, about a year after you left. I found out my Dad had a mistress, who he was spending all his time and money on. I told my mom, but she didn't leave him. She said I would understand when I was older. Then one day my dad picked me up early from school, he said mom in the hospital. Nobody bothered to explain it to me. I found a purple box at the bottom of her closet a few months ago. There was a sonogram labeled "Amelia", and some baby clothes for girls."

I froze, not knowing what to say. "She miscarried?", his eyes dropped for a quick second. 

"I can only assume. I always wonder, what if I never told her about the other woman? Maybe she would have been happier not knowing, less stressed. Maybe the baby would have survived. I mean they're still together anyways, maybe I should have kept it to myself.". My heart dropped. How could he think that was his fault? 

"Adults make their own decisions. And it's not your fault that your mom miscarried. Sometimes it's just not meant to be. Your parents are lucky to have you.", he looked so focused on the road. It was silent for a minute. He reached over and grabbed my hand, kissing it. He blinked away tears. "I kept my mom's boyfriend a secret and my mom still decided to wreck my life and make us move. Parents aren't perfect, and we cant fix them. We can only learn from their mistakes and hope we don't repeat them.", I said intertwining my fingers with his. "Just so you know, I would never do that to you."