𝙸𝚗𝚎𝚏𝚏𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎| ✔︎

33 | Juliet

My head throbs.

Heavy arms wrap me under the covers, holding me tightly. Dad's fragrance reaches my nose, making me lean closer to him.

The warmth is inviting.

It's different than the warmth I'm used to. My eyes feel heavy and dry. My body feels heavy as well. It's been three weeks without Aiden.

I still cry every day. My heart hurts. Dad has been here for me all this time. Yes, it gets hard, when he has to go to work, but I have to get through this one way or another.

I love Aiden.

I know heartbreak isn't something I will ever completely get over. With each day my tears become less and less. Unlike yesterday though, I walked into my closet to change.

I accidentally opened the drawer I swore I wasn't going to open until I was ready. I wasn't ready yet. His scent stuck to his clothes. I broke down in the middle of the closet.

Dad helped me take down his pictures from my wall. I cried even more. I didn't want to throw them away. I put them in a small container and made dad put it up all the way up on the tallest shelf in my closet.

I left his clothes in the drawer though. I don't have the heart to take them out. They still smell like him. It's the last piece of him that I have.

Dad was mad when I explained to him. It wasn't enough though. I thought he would have been extremely mad and made me throw everything away.

He didn't.

All he did was hold me tightly until I fell asleep. Every night it's been like that for the past three weeks. I miss the nights where I would help Aiden sleep or the mornings where he would buy me coffee.

Dad has made a habit of buying me flowers every single one of these weeks. They remind me of him. The day he took me out to his cabin by the flower fields. The same night he asked me to be his girlfriend.

It's like dad wants me to remember a part of Aiden. I don't want to remember him though. He hurt me, he damaged my confidence quicker than I can say cookies.

I meant nothing to him or so that's what he told me. I don't want to think that is the reason he left. Of course, I will never know now. Maybe in the future, I will get to see him, then I'll ask him.

I hope he has a nice family and a loving wife. He deserves it. I hope she will stay up all night to help him fall asleep. This might come off as toxic or petty but I don't want him to forget me. I want him to go buy flowers and remember me.

I don't want to be just a figment of his past. Just someone he used to keep busy. I don't regret a thing though. Maybe that's why I'm so overwhelmed. I want to be able to regret everything I had with him, but I just can't.

He will forever be a piece of me. He will always have a place in my heart. Whether he wanted to take advantage of it that's on him. I held my heart on my sleeve and yet I don't regret a thing. I got to experience what being in love feels like.

I guess now I understand what people say when they say nobody forgets their first love. There is no possible way I will be able to forget him. He showed me what life could be like with him. Just because it didn't last forever doesn't mean it meant nothing.

He meant something to me. He will forever mean something to me. A sigh falls from my lips as I look up at the ceiling.

I should make some pancakes for dad. He's been working really hard this week and all I've been doing is being a burden. I slowly sit up, trying not to wake dad.