The Red Wolf

Never Ok

Aiden

I woke up the next morning feeling satisfied and content. The second night in a row without any nightmares, filled with good long deep sleep.

It felt really good.

Yesterday, spending time with her, getting to know her, making her happy...

My work was really productive and done in a really good mood. I held several meetings, all went well, and I managed to do a great deal of the week's paperwork on a Monday.

I had an annoying need to text Robin. She gave me a real scare last night.

It was a horrible sight. I grimaced at my mental image of her laying covered in sweat, a look of suffering clear on her face, twitching from side to side because of pain.

Listening to her breath stop...

I still processed everything. Then again I find myself processing alarming events and information a lot when I am with her.

Each day that passes it is harder to define her, to leave her in the small box I always planned on storing her in my mind. It's like Robin doesn't want to be outside of that box, but outgrows it anyway with every new thing I learn about her, with every second I spend time with her.

I wish she would have just remembered her name so we could have avoided this whole thing. Phan needs now time with her if I don't want him to lose it and let me work peacefully like today.

I needed to breathe her to calm down.

Breathe her...

The need to do that scared me, but I was scared even more about just thinking of Robin in any kind of danger. Fearing that also scared me in itself.

It's fucking disturbing to realize that I care about her, I probably did since the night she showed me she cared herself back then in my room before the ceremony.

I keep saying stupid mate hormones, and although they are responsible for some disturbed shit, they are not responsible for me appreciating her help in everything she did for me in the past few weeks. Or for appreciating our conversations, and the things about her that make her unique from anyone I have ever met before...

I care about her well-being.

The exaggerated way it gets expressed outwardly is because of the stupid mate hormons.

Not that she needs to ever know that.

I will probably text her tonight to see if she is ok.

I got to say that I haven't had a good slacking-around day in a while. Even on my trip I either worked my ass off or partied.

I may or may not have a drinking problem...

But one always leveled the other. Work is stress and alcohol is a stress reliever.

It was nice to plainly rest and laugh with good company for a change.

I talked with Orion and Lily about last night. They both were confused as to why I left the party and what happened to me to go through a forced shift. I decided it was best to keep everything to myself for a while and blamed it on the stress at work. If my father chose not to tell them himself, then I will keep my cards to myself as well. I will need to find a proper time to tell Lily about dad. She adores him, it will break her heart.

I avoided my father the whole day, I didn't know what to do with what I discovered.

Robin said she knew about it because king William told her so, which means that the monarchy knows of my father's crime and didn't act upon it. Now I have the power to punish him if I will it, but will I do it because of his crimes against the werewolf kind? Or because what he had done chased my mother away?