Marvel One-Shot Book!

Peter Parker's Problems (Angst)

Peter Parker had anxiety and he hated it. 

He hated always being on edge, he hated that constant feeling of worry...sometimes he hated the fact that he was Spiderman.

He hated how his breath hitched as panic bloomed in his chest. He hated how his senses blared at the smallest things. He hated how overwhelming everything seemed. 

He hated how he knew that something was wrong, but not knowing what is was. It drove him crazy. He didn't feel worthy of the powers gifted to him. He wasn't mature enough to be a superhero, to masquerade as an adult. 

He felt inadequate. And when he broke down, nobody saw. 

Every time he picked up the pieces and kept on going. He had to. People needed Spiderman. And if others saw how weak he was, he wouldn't be able to be Spiderman anymore. At least, that was what he thought.

Peter Parker never realised just how strong he was.

__________________

Peter rambled about his day to Mr. Stark. " Then MJ just went off on-"

"Peter can you keep quiet!" Mr. Stark growled, "Please just shut up."

Peter fell silent, reassuring himself that his mentor probably had a headache. That theory when to the dogs when he heard a muttered- "God you're so annoying."

It seemed that Mr. Stark had forgotten about his enhanced senses. Peter excused himself and left the lab as soon as he could.

__________________

Peter had snapped. And to be honest, it was long overdue. 

Flash had gone too far. He had mocked his Aunt May. He could take punches, kicks and slurs. He could take whatever was directed at him. What he would not take was disrespect towards his family. 

So, Peter punched Flash. And broke his nose.

And even though Peter thought that it was justified, he felt guilty. Peter could take Flash's weak punches but Peter had super-strength. He could have done much worse. But the talk he got afterwards was much worse. 

"I do not care what he did. It was no excuse to punch that kid." 

"But Flash was-"

"You're Spider-man Peter! Spider-man is a hero and what you did was not heroic." Peter flinched slightly. "You could have hurt that kid! What you did was extremely irresponsible and I am disappointed in you." 

"I'm disappointed in myself!" Peter wanted to scream."But you can't tell me anything. Its not like you haven't done much worse."  He didn't voice his thoughts.

He swallowed his tears. They didn't even ask why he punched Flash. Did they actually believe that Peter would hit someone without reason? 

 __________________

"How are we supposed to trust you?! You didn't follow orders and completely disobeyed us." Steve berated him. 

He tried to defend himself. "I just wanted to-" 

"No. You will not be going on any missions for a month. And you are grounded." Mr. Stark stepped in.

"What? No, don't do that I was just trying to help." He desperately looked around for somebody to help him. 

Nobody met his eyes. Natasha stepped up, "To be fair Peter, you almost botched this mission and you never follow orders." She hesitated before adding, "As of now, you're untrustworthy."

The words felt like a stab to the heart. He sighed and hung his head as they left the room. 

Peter sat on his bed, waiting for somebody to check up on him. To comfort him after the harsh words. He waited for something that never came.

__________________

The words swam around his head.

untrustworthy.

irresponsible.

not heroic.

annoying.

Was he really such a burden?

________________

Peter turned to face the window, deep in thought. His eyes fluttered shut as he listened. He listened to the screams and the laughs. He listened to the sobs and the gasps. He could hear so much.

Truth is, Peter didn't want to disobey the team. He didn't mean to scare them by sneaking out when he was grounded. He didn't mean to be untrustworthy. He just couldn't take it. He couldn't take what he heard.

He had heard the defenceless man sobbing for help; sobbing for Spiderman to save him. He couldn't take it if what happened to Uncle Ben happened that man.

He had heard the young woman screaming in the alley down the street, screaming for help. He couldn't take it if what Skip did to him was done to her. 

He had heard the sirens as they rushed to a car crash below the tower. They wouldn't make it in time; Peter had thought as he listened to the victims heart as it sputtered to a stop. 

He could have saved them, all of them. He did save others from the same fate.

Peter just wanted to help. Did that make him a bad person?