~Haikyuu Oneshots~

Iwaoi - Cooking Show 🥸/☁

WHY DOES THE CLOUD LOOK LIKE THAT anyway uhhh i got this idea randomly and i think it'd be silly also THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IWAIZUMI HAJIME'S BIRTHDAY WAS A FEW DAYS AGO <33333 so thats cool ig anyway enjoy this silly thing or something

"Hello everyone and welcome back to Oikawa's cooking show!!" Oikawa shouted at the camera. Iwaizumi scowled and turned to him.

"How many times do I have to tell you that IT'S NOT JUST YOUR COOKING SHOW," Iwaizumi yelled at his cooking partner. The name of their cooking show was actually Iwaoi's cooking show, but Oikawa insisted that he was the star so they should change the name. Of course, this was a stupid request.

"Hehehe, my bad!" Oikawa chuckled and looked at the camera and winked, signalling that he was being an asshole on purpose. Iwaizumi smacked the back of Oikawa's head and then turned to the camera as well.

"UHM OW IWA???"

"Today we're going to be cooking the classic spaghetti and meatballs. This iconic meal originates from-"

"IWA-CHAN YOU JERK!!"

Iwaizumi ignored Oikawa and continued on while the 2007 ICarly laugh track played. This was usually how their episodes went, Oikawa was bratty and screamed about everything, and Iwaizumi didn't care (he actually did care but for the sake of comedic effect for the show he pretended that he didn't).

"Anyway, spaghetti and meatballs come from the Italian immigrants in New York City. Because it was so requested, we will now be making it."

Iwaizumi pulled some kind of blender-adjacent contraption out of his inventory and placed it onto the counter. He opened up the thingy and put some bread in it and turned it on.

"FIRST WE'RE GONNA MAKE BREAD CRUMBS!!" Iwaizumi yelled over the machine thingy as it made bread crumbs. Now it was Oikawa's turn to look at the camera with a blank, soulless expression. After Iwaizumi turned off the machine, Oikawa slowly turned his head to Iwaizumi.

"What?" Iwaizumi asked like a stupid person.

"Don't you think you should've explained what you were doing before you turned on the [name on the machine]?"

Iwaizumi blinked at Oikawa as he thought. Eventually, he concluded that Oikawa was right, but if he admitted that Oikawa had a fair point then he would probably have a heart attack and die, so instead he just pecked Oikawa on the lips.

"So anyway, now we're going to-"

"AHHHHHHH IWA-CHAAAAAANNN!!!!" Oikawa promptly fainted onto the floor. Iwaizumi did not break eye contact with the camera.

"As I was saying, we're now going to add milk to the bread," Iwaizumi said, and then added milk to the bread, just like he said he would because he would never lie. Never. He does not lie.

All out of a blue, Oikawa popped up from the floor and placed his elbow onto Iwaizumi's shoulder so he could lean on him.

"I guess you could call that...milk bread (◠‿◕)" Oikawa somehow said the japanese emoticon out loud, do not ask questions.

Iwaizumi sighed and nodded his head. "Yes, Oikawa, I suppose you could technically classify this bread goop as 'milk bread' if you really wanted to."

"WHAT?!?!?!? IWA-CHAN IS AGREEING WITH MOI?!>?!/1?!?!" Oikawa once again fainted onto the floor.

"Now," Iwaizumi continued to the camera, "We are going to add the main ingredient. OIKAWA GET THE MEAT!!"

"MA'AM YES MA'AM!!" Oikawa rushed over to the fake fridge on set and pulled out some ground BEEF and ground pork, all the while Iwaizumi looked at the camera with the most dead, joyless look he could muster.