Burning Rose

On my own

I suddenly wake up with a terrible headache. Last night was probably too much for me. It really brought back some memories from last month. I was also up almost all night thinking of recent events and trying to figure my life out or just to figure out how to deal with this situation emotionally, but then I always came to the same conclusion - the man I met yesterday. There is just something different about him, like I want to trust him, but I had decided not to. Every person I think I can trust ends up disappointing me or betraying me, except for Emma. She really knows me, even tho she has her moments, I know she would never really let me down. 

I hear some quiet sounds in front of my bed so I turn my head to look who is making that sound. I see a nurse folding some sheets and pyjamas in my drawer, she thinks I am still sleeping so she is trying to be as quiet as possible.

˝Good morning.˝ I hear from the other side of the bed. I snap my head in the other direction to see dr. Volmer sitting on a chair by the wall, holding come files in his hands.

I frown my eyebrows and try to sit on bed but the headache got stronger. ˝Morning.˝ I manage to say, holding my head between my hands. Dr. Volmer suddenly gets up and whispers the nurse something before she leaves the room, leaving us alone. He then walks by my bed and sits beside my legs. I slightly move.

˝I see you have a terrible headache.˝ he says with a calm voice.

˝Yes, I didn't have much sleep tonight.˝ I say. The doors open and a nurse comes back in, holding a tray with breakfast and a lot of water. She puts it down on the table in front of a window and then leaves again. ˝How long have you been sitting beside my bed?˝ I ask him.

˝Not so long. Your parents told me...˝ he pauses. I started to wonder what have they told him about me. 

˝What did they tell you.˝ I become impatient. But he hesitates. ˝Tell me, now.˝ I demand.

He seemed surprised by my determination, but he remained calm. He looks me in the eyes, which made me shiver and calmly responds  ˝They told me you usually have nightmares in which you scream, so I came to observe if anything would happen.˝ silence followed his words.

˝Oh-˝ is the only thing I can say. I hope he won't ask me about my dreams.

˝May I ask what those dreams are about?˝ SHIT!!! I hoped I could avoid the topic. I do what I know best for now. I stare in my hands and say nothing.

He is patiently waiting for me to respond, but unfortunately he won't get a response from me today. 

˝Ok, I see. You don't want to talk jet. But see miss Hall, you will have to talk to me eventually. After all I am your doctor and I am only here to make you feel better.˝ I remain silent. ˝You know, mental illnesses are the most difficult to cure. Why? Because it depends on a person if they want to be cured or not. Those who decide not to participate, suffer more and more. But those who participate in treatment have to find things they grow fond of, so whenever they feel pressure or feel that life is hard, they dedicate their time on those things that make them feel better and get loose of the stress through those things.˝

Everything he said was true. I for example like to play my guitar and listen to music and sometimes even draw, but I like doing those things in peace and at the same time I don't like talking to other people. I don't really know what I'm scared of, that people who I would tell wouldn't like me anymore or they just wouldn't understand. Ether way I'm scared of both ways and I haven't even found the person who I could trust that much. 

˝So like I said. It is up to you.˝ he brought me back to reality, making me to look at him.

˝Y-yes, yes I understand. I will try.˝ he stays silent for a second, like he is observing me if I'm saying the truth.