Darker And Colder

2.14: Thanks For The Memories

Chapter 31
Peeta's POV

"I'm so sorry."

Haymitch says this over and over, while he tries to calm me down. I can feel the tears running down my face, and my breathing is short and erratic.

"Peeta, listen, there may not be a cure, but I promise we are working on it and they can provide therapy. I will always be here for you if you need me."

"And before then?" I say, trying to steady my voice. "What if they haven't found a cure and that happens whilst Katniss is there? What if I hurt her? Or Willow?"

"Peeta, we will help-"

"How can you help? How, Haymitch? We have gone through so much, SO MUCH. And now, Katniss has PTSD, one of our children is dead without getting a name and my thoughts aren't my own any more. And it can't get better. So IT'S NOT FAIR."

"Peeta, I promise you we can do something about this. I know nothing we do is going to bring back your child, and even having just Willow isn't enough. It isn't the same. But I swear, I can do whatever I can and anyone would do anything if it could help you. Okay? But I need you to promise too that you will let me help you."

My hands grip my hair so hard it feels like I'm pulling the skin right off my scalp. "Why? Why do I even need to go on? Why can't it just end now?"

"Peeta you have to keep fighting. You are a father, a husband. You are only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please, don't end it now. I have wasted most of mine. I wish I hadn't, but I can't change the past. What I can change is how you choose to handle your future. Please Peeta."

But it's too late, as orange washes over my brain. Not like the way I like it. Not the sunset, not any of Katniss's flaming dresses and tempers.

A sickly Capitol orange.

◇◇◇

Gale's POV

I walk the halls of 13. They aren't too different here than in 12. The people. Just a little messed up. I don't know where I'm going exactly, just away.

When I find myself listening into Peeta's compartment door, I realise I must have been headed here.

Katniss and I have been friends for years. Since I was 14. Then, four years later, Peeta comes and declares his love for her, getting into her head. Nearly getting her killed. Getting her pregnant. She told me she never wanted kids. Why did he force this upon her?

It hurts to think he might have lured her into having sex with him. He seems so nice though. I don't see why he would do this, but it's the only explanation. Katniss wouldn't change her mind about something like that. And she wouldn't lie to me.

But now, Peeta is in the way. I am Katniss's friend. He is just something we picked up along the way. An annoyance. But if he was out of the way...

I knock, and hear muffled yells coming from inside. The door opens to a middle aged man with greasy black hair and dull grey eyes. I recognise him and my brain brings up the name Haymitch. I haven't exactly talked to him too much, but I know who he is. "Is Peeta there?" I ask.

"It's a bad time," He says hurriedly. "If you could come back soon, that would be better-"

"No." I say. I'm not exactly sure why I said it, and Haymitch gives me a look, but I go with it and add "It's important."

"He isn't in a fit state to see anyone right now."

"Why not? Scared of the responsibilities he has now that he got Katniss knocked up? Didn't he know that's what happens?"