Darker And Colder

4.10: Bandages Don't Heal All Wounds

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11th February

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Chapter 59
Katniss's POV

"Stay still," Hazel warns me, trying desperately to bandage my arm and stop- or, at the very least, absorb- the blood flow. I already have two bandages on my legs; a part of me thanks whatever may be the reason that people in the Capitol aren't accurate with firearms.

I only woke up half an hour ago, and the floor still doesn't seem steady under my feet; when I put any pressure on my legs the pain sparks back up my them.

"Okay," she says, finally finishing off the wrapping on my arm and handing me two small pills, "I don't recommend walking, or standing really. Take those, they're painkillers." Wincing, I throw them into my mouth.

The walls of the basement loom over me, almost scowling. "What happened?" I ask.

Her eyes skid around the room, shifting away from mine, "Honestly? I don't know. But you're lucky they only skimmed your skin." I see a bandage on her arm, a little stained with red.

"It still hurts. Is everyone else okay?"

"Finnick had a bullet in his arm, I got that out with the help of some others. Cleaned up the wound where another went through his foot. Gave him some painkillers, a small dose of morphine. He lost quite a bit of blood, but he'll live. Pollux got one in his bulletproof vest, so there's a little blunt force trauma, but I think that he's going to pull through. Enobaria is... fine. Cressida, however... she got one in her stomach. I've tried to help her, and she's being taken away somewhere, but there's no guarantee she'll live. I just wish I could've done more. Peeta got a couple in his prosthetic leg, so that's going to need some work on it. And he hit his head pretty hard on the floor, but I bandaged that up too. He'll be fine." She sighs a little. "I guess it's lucky that they weren't particularly skilled with guns."

My eyebrows pull together. "What about Boggs?"

Hazel's head shakes. "He died at the scene. I'm sorry Katniss. It went right into his brain."

"Oh."

Oh. It's not nearly enough. Not for someone who gave their life to let us have a better one. But Hazel seems to understand my lack of words.

"President Snow got shot though. On live television. It doesn't mean the war's over, but it's certainly died down. He could've been fixed up by Capitol doctors, I suppose, but I don't know if they're still around or not. And I think he got a few too many bullets in him... to have such a miracle would be unlikely." A small shake of her head. "At least Johanna didn't have to deal with all this. I worry about her."

"When we get back, I bet she'll be annoyed she missed all the action. She probably wants to put those bullets into Snow herself." I laugh, causing Hazel to laugh a little too.

"I think we all do, don't we?"

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Peeta's POV

The mauled and mangled mass of plastic and metal rests on the side of the pile of furs I am sitting on. My bruised head throbs under a bandage as I look up to see Katniss wheeling herself towards me in a small chair.

White strips stand out against her olive skin, somehow making it glow even more. A sort of dull ache appears in my chest as I see the bandages, another sign I actually do care about her; that it's not just something everyone's made up.

"You okay?" she asks calmly. Her voice snags on the words a little, not that I take any notice.

I nod, "Yeah, I'm fine thanks. Other than the leg, but it's not like I can feel that. Maybe my head aches. How are you?"

She shrugs, her eyes shifting away, "I'm good."

"You're such a bad liar, Katniss," I say, then realise something- a memory, clean and clear. "I said that to you in the first Games, didn't I?"

Something behind her eyes lights up, a little flame of who she used to be. "Yes... yes you did. You remember that?"

"Not until just now," I say, shaking my head a little. "And I think... 'never gamble at cards...'"

"'You'll lose your last coin.' That's what you told me. Do you still think I would then?"

I look back up, and I see the expression on her face that I don't remember seeing for a very long time, even in the memories that aren't tinted - hope. And it's bright, and it's beautiful.

"So," I say again, "how are you? Really?"

"I- don't really know. My arm kind or hurts, I can't walk exactly."

"I guess that's both of us now."

A small smile creeps across her face. "Yeah."

"But I don't just mean how's your arm, how are you just feeling? Emotionally?" Her head goes back to the floor and I try to correct that, "I don't mean to pry or anything, I was just... checking you were okay. Sorry."

"Don't be. I just miss Willow, I guess."

"Katniss," I start, "I've not had the chance yet to apologise for what I did to Gale. He was your friend, and-"

"He wasn't my friend," she shoots back like it's one of her arrows. "He- maybe he used to be. And although I wasn't expecting him to be blown up and I don't want anyone else to die... I never wanted anything to do with him after..." she takes in a breath, "Look, what I'm saying is I just don't want to talk about it."

"Oh," I reply.

"It's okay, you weren't to know. Maybe some part of me misses Gale, but not the person he'd become." Her head shakes again. "He's not the person I met in the woods anymore. That person was dead a long time ago."

I reach up to put my hand on her shoulder but she shrinks away.

"I'm sorry I dragged you into all this," Katniss says. The spark of hope has vanished.

And then she wheels herself away.

I try to get up to go after her, but I fall again due to the lack of a leg. And I curse my leg, and curse my life. I can't even walk. I can't be myself. Can't remember who I was, not really. Some Capitol doctor tries to help me back up onto the pile of furs, and I let them.

I think they try to explain something to me, but whatever it is I don't hear them.

I just wish I could go back to how I was- the person I got a small glimpse of before- because I like him much better than whoever I've become.