ℝ𝔸ℕ𝔻𝕐 & 𝕁𝔸ℂ𝕂𝕃𝕐ℕ 𝕆ℕ𝔼𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕋𝕊🏳️🌈

Brook... (Jacklyn)

JACK'S POV
"No! Don't make those faces!" I laughed and he let his slender body be welcomed into my arms right after. Two minute bodies on a bed, two arms wrapped around one of them and two smiles as big as the sun...

We were laughing like children, perhaps because that was just what we were. We were only ten years old and yet, in that exact moment, we felt as if the world belonged to us, as if everything, for those sixty or seventy seconds, was concentrated in our hands. We were happy, we were ourselves, we were together... we were ourselves and we were together. Was this the reason for our happiness? Was this the reason for those smiles on our lips? Were we like that, did we feel that way because we were together?

The only audible sound in the room was my laughter merged with his. Oh, what a beautiful sound... the most beautiful probably.

"Jack?" His voice brought me back to reality and for a fleeting second I hated the fact that he interrupted whatever took me in another dimension. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Ryan, I'm sure" but the tone of my voice completely contradicted what I had just said. A sad expression materialized on his face and the guilt became heavy on my chest.

"I have to go"

"I'm sorry" but when my words were said he was already far away, the image of him has become just a confused figure among all the others.

I hated myself when I did this... I felt like I possessed some kind of destructive power, everything I touched turned to sadness and the worst part of me came out. Like to touch a rose and make it whiter instantly.

"Jack..."

"Please don't say anything" and so he did. He didn't say anything, but took my hand in his, leaving gentle caresses on its back to calm me down.

I loved both Rye and Andy with all of myself, if I had been asked who I loved most I would never have been able to answer, such a simple question whose answer was simply unthinkable.

I rested my head on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around me. The only thing I was able to do was let myself go completely into his arms.

His scent was so sweet, it reminded me so much of that very good scent that all children have, yet he was seventeen. This scent had become so familiar, here I could find a form of comfort and love that I would never find anywhere else. He wasn't the only one, even Rye made me feel that way; it was different, but I knew I could never do without him.

Andy and Rye gave me the same, similar and completely different things... it was never easy to explain. However it was the three of us who complemented each other. We liked to call ourselves the three missing pieces of a puzzle.

"Today is the last day of the year" I said after a few minutes of silence, hoping that hearing it say aloud would make things more realistic.

"I know, I know Jack" I hid my face in the hollow of his neck and he let his jamper wet with my tears.

Why was he gone? Why him and not someone else? Why?

In my head there should have been my boyfriend and him alone, but why did I always end up elsewhere? Why was that elsewhere always him?

In my head there should have been the smile of my boyfriend, the sound of his voice as he said "I love you" or "you are beautiful", but I always found myself always and constantly thinking about him and no one else. The problem had almost always existed and I hated myself for it. Why did I have to think about him when I loved Louis?