ℝ𝔸ℕ𝔻𝕐 & 𝕁𝔸ℂ𝕂𝕃𝕐ℕ 𝕆ℕ𝔼𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕋𝕊🏳️🌈

Secrets pt.2 (Randy)

ANDY'S POV
"What are you doing here?" His voice was harsh, he was angry and even if I did not know who he was talking to, sure that whoever it was was not me, fear had taken the place of that state of calm that I had managed to create with great difficulty. His voice had always scared me and over the years things had only gotten worse.

"I was..." was all I could hear and for I don't know what reason my heart skipped a beat. No, it couldn't be. There was no way it could be him. I missed him as if I had been blown away, I was tired and hadn't eaten for a day now, it wasn't strange that for some strange reason I was hearing things that were actually completely non-existent. I was in the room of the house where no one could enter, just standing in front of the door was dangerous. My parents and my brother were the only ones who were allowed to enter and they did so very few times during the week, more or less once a day.

"Stay away from there" he was still angry, but even on the other side of the door I could hear a change in his tone of voice.

Whoever there was on the other side said nothing, he probably just nodded or got up straight. I immediately thought about a girl. On the other hand, it was a party given by my brother, the girls were even more important than alcohol: no girls, no party. But then, hearing the tone of his voice, so angry and... he couldn't be talking to a girl. The other voice was far away at that moment, indeed it was I who was far from the door. Yet it had something familiar.

I heard Harvey and the other person walking away, but with my ear to the door I could hear the two conversing. What they were saying was a mystery to me.

I got back on the bed, or at least on that kind of mattress, with a blanket, placed in the corner of the room.

My thoughts were, as always, turned to him and him alone, the only person who had ever shown affection and love towards me.

I had no idea how long it had been since we'd last seen each other. That same time I woke up with his arms around me, his warmth and his scent all over my body.

I had lost track of time, day and night were the only references I had. Judging by the weather, I could understand the seasons, whether it was winter or summer, spring or autumn.

But now, looking out the window, it was hard for me to define the season. It was snowing and I loved the snow. My desire, as well as being free and being myself, was to be able to go outside and play with the snow. For some things I was just a kid and it was an aspect of me that people couldn't stand, but he loved it. He loved it and did not hide it. He loved everything about me.

The two of us loved playing in the snow and soon snow became a simple thing that brought us back to unforgettable moments.

I looked around, looking for something to do when there was nothing. The room was practically empty, just me, a mattress, a blanket, and an empty packet of cookies; this was all there was. I asked my parents if they could bring me some books, but they refused me, so I asked Harvey, but he completely ignored me. I had been living in four walls all day, every day for... for a long time. I only went out once or twice a day to go to the bathroom and once a week I had fifteen minutes to take a shower. According to them this was the solution to my illness. It hurt, it hurt a lot to know that my parents, my family considered me mentally ill for the simple reason that I liked boys. Keeping myself locked in a room would never have made me "heal", it would have only and simply led me to emotional breakdowns, emotional instability, asthma and panic attacks. There was nothing wrong with me, but my love for him was considered abominable.

My attention was captured by other footsteps, I heard noises not far from the door.

"Is there anyone?" something inside me broke, my heart raced. If before I had doubts about who the other was, now there was no doubt. His voice was tired and yet it was still the sweet, melodic sound I had fallen in love with. It was always the voice that whispered sweet words in my ear, the same voice that said "I love you", the same voice with which I fell asleep at night and woke up in the morning, the same voice that made my heart beat so fast, different. It was the voice I had fallen in love with, one of the many things I had fallen in love with about him. "I'm Ryan... I have no bad intentions, I swear" I closed my eyes and a warm tear fell on my cheek. I brought my hand in front of the mouth, to avoid making any sound, to suffocate tears, sobs and anything else. I desperately wanted to open, but there was no way to open the door. Opening the door could also have meant explaining everything that had happened, because I knew he didn't know, maybe I could have even got him back...