ℝ𝔸ℕ𝔻𝕐 & 𝕁𝔸ℂ𝕂𝕃𝕐ℕ 𝕆ℕ𝔼𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕋𝕊🏳️🌈

Secrets (Randy)

RYAN'S POV
Ryan Leonard Beaumont was a guy with a big secret, but as in any small town, he wasn't alone.

"I have to stop thinking about myself in the third person" I muttered and none of my friends heard me, all too busy laughing, joking and above all talking about girls.

In my hand I had a book that began just that way... in an almost familiar way. The character, Oliver, had a secret and whatever secret it was, I already knew how he would feel page after page, chapter after chapter, because I wasn't all that different from him. I hated having to admit it, but I had a secret, a secret that should have stayed that way for my own good.

"What are you thinking about?" Jack asked me, taking his attention elsewhere as soon as Harvey started showing him pictures of girls, even before I had time to answer.

How many people were there who asked me how I was doing or who asked me questions like these? Many, very many, I could not have kept the count. But how many people really wanted to know the answer? None.

There was never anyone who cared about me, there was never anyone who really cared about how I was. No one ever had time to listen to me, no one ever wanted to listen to me even if they had time. All this led me to keep everything inside, everything remained inside me and that's it.

"Look at this girl" in front of me appeared a photo of a girl with red hair, green eyes, large breasts and completely uncovered.

"She's cute" curly red hair and green eyes, it was undeniable that she was not a pretty girl. If perhaps I had known her she could have turned out to be kind too, But while my eyes looked at these details, theirs looked at nothing but her breasts.

"Cute?" they asked in chorus, making me feel as uncomfortable as ever. They were good people, it was clear that I was the problem and it was clear for the simple reason that they got along perfectly with everyone while I didn't. I tried to do my best to be with them, to enter into their conversations, to do everything to be accepted. Most of the time I acted like someone who wasn't me. I did everything to please others and for one simple reason: I was afraid of loneliness.

"I'd fuck her right now," Sonny said, all three of them laughed and soon after I followed them too. I felt so out of place, like I had absolutely nothing to do with not just the three of them, but all the other people in the school as well. The more I forced my laugh, a laugh that was not at all truthful, the more I felt the tears make their way down my eyes. It was so hard to be me.

Suddenly my mobile rang, a message had just arrived and I didn't waste a second looking at it. The only people who used to text me were the three of them, so getting a message when none of the three of them had sent it was unusual for me.

Happy birthday Andy!🎔

This is what appeared on my cell phone, the calendar marked his birthday as an event of the day. A little heart was accompanied #. Immediately after the exclamation point and this only tore open more a wound that had not yet closed, a wound that would never have closed.

"What's up?"

"Nothing"

"You need to fuck," Sonny and Harper said at the same time, laughing immediately after saying it.

Every time I wondered what on earth I had to do with the three of them, but eventually there was only one answer. "You're lonely Ryan, don't be picky" I repeated it to myself over and over again and it was bad as a thing, but I hated loneliness and there wasn't much else to do.

"Hey you!" Harvey came running towards us and threw himself at Jack, it was something they always did and I didn't know what was so good about it.

"Hey" he glared at me, not deigning to look at me the whole time. His brother and I were inseparable, we were always together and that "always together" was seen badly by our families. We were just ourselves, but being ourselves was not what they wanted, we had to be what they wanted us to be.