Monty

Halloween

Today is one of the days where I'm gone...

Nothing triggers my off days but sometimes,every once in a while I get very sad. I stay this way for a few days before slowly coming out of the episode.

It's normally over the same thing.

My dad

Some days i miss him so much I can't bear to live. All I want is him with me right beside me and not through a stupid glass.

I woke up, my eyes were heavy and my heart was hurting.

I didn't even bother getting up. I just stayed there and cried.

My pillow was all wet and damp from my tears.

"Hey-Lu do you still wanna come to get Fifi groomed,our appointment is at 12:10pm and we want to go early so she can play with the little furry things while she waits"

He puts his hand on my back and rubs it.

"Everything ok Lucy"

I shake my head. "I feel like dying" I mumble

There's silence.

He knows when I'm like this and why. And he knows to leave me alone

But he doesn't

I hear some rustling of him taking off his shoes and then I feel him behind me.

He puts his arm over me and hugs me.

"I can stay with you if you want-I don't mind"

"No I want to be alone...go take Fifi to get groomed" I mutter while trying to suppress my cry.

"Are you sure"

I nod "go please"

He kisses my head and tells me he loves me before heading towards the door.

I told him to leave but I really want him to stay but I don't want anyone around right now but I want him with me.

My mind is a mess

I don't hear the door open and I look back to check if he's gone.

He's standing there with Fifi in his arms and her pink leash hanging down onto the floor. He's watching me.

"I can stay if you want...I can sit with you-she can get groomed another day"

"No-go away"  I shout before putting the pillow over my head.

I'm a horrible person. He just cares about me.

He walks over to me and holds me in his arms,tight.
"Let go of me-leave me alone" I cry while hugging his arm

I don't actually want him to leave.

I hug him back tight while sobbing.

"Go away-I hate you" I cry while hugging him tight

"It's ok-I love you-I do" he mutters against me.

The room is filled with nothing but my loud crying. "It was all my fault-I'm terrible-why did I tell my dad" I cry against his chest.

He doesn't reply

I cry until I fall asleep in Monty's arms
Crying yourself to sleep is the worst but at least the sleep is always good

"Diego stop trying to put forks in the microwave they'll explode" I say hitting Diego

"Stop lying you're just trying to trick me" he says shoving me