Without you

27 •

Two months later
Lillian

It's been two months Since the babies have come home it has been a lot to take in. I was recovering for six weeks I want allowed to lift heavy things and walk up and down the stairs, it was hard work my mum stayed over for three weeks as she helped me with the babies they in my room as I had two Moses basket set out to help make everything easier till I recovered, I fed them and cleaned them with the help of my mum. Victoria stayed over for three weak when my mum left she helped a lot. I got my YouTube video up and posted and was active on social media as much as I can. My clothing line expanded to children ware and it has become very popular.

Today was the first time in a while since I was alone. I woke up to silence the silence you hate as memory's come back my heart sank I felt the memory of the whole delivery repeat again as I let all the tears out I remember feeling the out-of-body experience of me being stitched and the pain I sobbed quietly as I remember it all wishing Dylan was here to comfort me and try to help as best as he could.

The sound of the monitor went off as Ayla was crying I went over to her room as I got her milk ready and fed her she drank some and then I checked her nappy she was still crying as I tried to comfort her when I heard the cries of Adrien I went over to his room as I help Ayla I picked Adrien up and sat on the chair to feed him and try to calm Ayla down it started getting stressful as I couldn't multitask I started sobbing I could contain myself I don't know what to do I'm the worst mother ever I can't even calm my children down I wish Dylan was here.

I calmed down I went to put Adrien down to his cot and I sat back with Ayla I started singing 'you are my sunshine' as she finally calmed down I put her in her cot and I sat down.

"How am I going to do this without you I'm such a terrible mother I can't even keep them calm and quiet I wish you were here Dylan so we could do this together why did you have to go?

I got up as I wiped my eyes I went downstairs and got some food to eat and went back up to my bedroom to clean myself up. Motherhood is the hardest thing but I have to be patient and calm I may have vomit and bad days but there will always be good days like seeing them take their first step or say their first words.

I don't know what to write about there isn't much to do so I'm going to do my last chapter here

Five years later

It has been six years since Dylan's death, it has been the hardest years without him but I am grateful to be here raising our babies. Ayla and Adrien are five years old they are the most adorable babies ever they are very naughty but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Ayla and Adrien wanted to go to Grandma Victoria's house so we walked over to the house and walked in to see Nate and his kids over I smiled. Nate got married two years ago he has a daughter and is very happy with his business. I walked inside the house that was once dull and quiet which is now filled with light and giggles. I greeted everyone as we all sat down

Ayla - nana please tell us a story about daddy
Adrien - yes
Nana- of course, darling when your dad was small he would go with uncle Nate to the park and play one day your dad came home upset so I asked him what was wrong he said he want to play games but uncle Nate wouldn't let him so we both went to the backyard and got the water pipe out and we told uncle Nate to come as we sprayed water on him

As we all giggled I smiled at my angels they will always know who their father was but it does hurt that they will never hear from him or learn what a father teaches their children. Ever since Dylan has left I never dated anyone else I was never attracted to anyone and I was always busy with my children and my career. Dylan was my everything although we never had the lifetime we dreamed about together I will always love and miss him dearly.