S.A.D || zarry au

.....

Hey guys

Um....I'm crying. You're probably doing to the same thing right?

He left the band. I never imagined it hurting this bad but it does. I was on my way to get on the bus and a friend of mine from a higher grade looked like she'd been crying and she went over to me and hugged me and asked me if I was okay.

I had no idea what she was talking about.

I asked her know about what and she acted like she was about to kick a sick puppy and I had no idea what was happening. Then she told me.

Zayn quit.

I went straight to the bus and started balling my eyes out and at that exact fucking moment Night Changes started playing.

It hurts so much. I thought that he was going to take a break for about a month to clear his head but not for forever.

I don't know what to feel. On one hand I feel extremely selfish for being mad at him and I'm also happy that he's going to find peace.

I'm starting to run out of tears here and I never thought that I'd be able to produce this much snot in a single hour.

Yeah, I just figured all of this out an hour ago and it really hurts to know that the one person who you could always count on left. But he's happy. So I guess it's okay.

I was waiting for someone to tweet that it was all a joke but I saw videos of Harry crying on stage before all of this blew up. I feel weak and broken down. A machete to the face would've hurt a lot less than this.

I can't believe all the boys knew it was the Zayn's last concert.

This is really happening.

Zayn left.

I hope you all are going to be okay. I don't know if I will. He's my angel and he's just gone. I know he's not dead but it feels like it.

I'm sorry for taking so long for an update. I was going to update everyday of my spring break when I got back from my school trip to Washington D.C. but I don't want to go anywhere right now or do anything.

I still love you guys though. Thank you for everything. I'm not leaving I'm just going to try and clear my head.

Tori xx