S.A.D || zarry au

one

~

        I woke up with a knot in my stomach knowing what was going to be happening in a few hours. I couldn't focus on anything, I barely made it down the stairs to the bar where Mum had a glass of milk waiting for me.

        I sat down and I went to grab the glass but my hands were shaking so much that I couldn't.

        Mum noticed, "Harry, you need to calm down." Her voice was soft and soothing as she rubbed my back gently. "At some point, it has to be tomorrow-"

        "-and all the troubles of today will be over," I finished.

        I was about used to her giving this advice, and every time she did it did kinda calm me a bit. But, not today. The phrase means: time doesn't slow down for anyone. At some point it has to be tomorrow and stuff like this speech will be in my past. Well, except for my anxiety. Now that isn't going anywhere.

        "That doesn't stop it from happening, though, Mum," I added with a sigh.

        "And that attitude won't help you at all," she added.

        She was right, but I've got anxiety. My brain is practically programmed to think as negative as possible.

        I left after kissing her on the cheek. I went to the end of my small driveway and waited for the bus to come buy.

        You'd think that being fifteen that I'd have my permit, but no. You can probably guess why.

        No, I don't just bloody suck at it.

        I'm not aloud.

        Stupid doctor's order's. Supposedly I'm too much of a "dangerous hazard" to be driving.

        When the bus stopped, I got on and sat down in one of the middle seats away from as many souls as possible. I slipped out my iPhone and ear buds and tried to drown out the obnoxious kids and my future. That fucking stupid speech.

        Maybe I should be going over that right now.

        Not that it'll change anything if I did.

        I got off the bus at the school and tried to calm my erratic breathing as I entered the doors. I immediately went to the toilets and stayed locked up in one of the stalls not bothering to find Liam.

        "In the seventeen-thirties's a religious movement swept through the colonies. One of the popular preachers would be Jonathan Edwards' who gave the message "Sinners in the hands of an angry God!"......" I went on when the bell rang. I can't do this. History was his first block.

        At some point it has to be tomorrow, I told myself, at some point it has to be second block. At some point it has to be over.

        I got out of the stall and the toilets, and made my way through the uncomfortably crowd. My hands were sweaty as I walked through the door to my history class. I sat down and tried my best to wipe them on my dark jeans. My legs then began to shake.

        Calm down. I started to scratched my hand and wrist trying to get rid of the anxious feeling and my fear.

        The big hand on the clock hit the six and the tarty bell rang.

        I was scared.

        I was so fucking scared.

        I can't do this.

        "Okay, everyone, today we are going to present our speeches. Since this class only has twenty-one students and your speeches should be no longer than three minutes, we should be done today."

        He went down and called row. Then he went back down it and had everyone present their speeches in alphabetical order.

        Everyone did fairly good and that made me worse. My saliva had thickened, my breath was heavy, my eye sight had gotten slightly wobbly, my hands and legs shook; I don't think I can do this.

        "Harry Styles."

        I know I can't do this.

        I jumped and slowly stood up holding my speech cards. I was afraid I was going to fall on my way up to the front of the room.

        "You'll be fine," Mr. Damon, my history teacher, said reassuringly. Oh, no I won't.

        I wish Liam was here.

        "So what topic did you choose?" He asked.

        "L-l-life in the E-English c-c-colonies." I never stuttered; never. Not until now.

        "Okay, go on. You have three minutes."

        Tears brimmed my eyes as I looked down at my cards and I could barely read because my hands were shaking so violently. "I-in the s-even....I-in the s-s-seventeen-t-t-thirties a r-r-religious...." My throat felt like there was something stuck in it and I couldn't talk.

        My prediction was right.

        I wasn't going to be able to make it through this.

        And it happened.

        A tear slipped out of my eye and when I looked up at the class my chest tightened. Then, I collapsed.

        My body was shaking uncontrollably and I was sobbing hard. It was getting hard to breathe and it was hard to make out the screams of "get the nurse!".

        Just another day in the shitty life of me.

~

So, I decided to make this short and not so sweet and this is just to give you a feel on Harry's disorder and how it affects him!

Now, I know I have no regular readers yet (i don't think I do anyway) but if you are one of those amazing people then be sure to drop a comment on what you think of this so far!

Love!

Tori xx