S.A.D || zarry au

eleven

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        Fear; it's something that I've always let control me. Anxiety isn't something you're just straight up born with. It's something that slowly starts to break down your confidence. It'll start out as something small and controllable, but if you let your fear take over you, like I did, then it'll consume you into a dark, black hole. It'll keep you blocked out from the world and will keep you from actually living your life.

        I wasn't strong enough to keep my fears away from my personality, from my sanity. And, by letting my fears take over, it had left me in a fragile state of almost nonexistent self-esteem and sadness. My mum likes to tell me it'll all get better over time, but will it? Will it ever change? I don't believe it will. Those pills I don't take won't change anything. Liam's wise words won't change anything. My mother's belief in my recovery won't change anything. Zayn's sweetness and caring demeanor won't change anything.

        "He's going to confront you, ya' know?" Liam said as he walked with me in the direction of my first block.

        "I know," I whisper, but I know he heard me.

        "I just need you to remember something, Harry. When you don't have faith in yourself moving forward is impossible. To move the barrel you have to push it."

        "What if the barrel's a mountain?" I ask.

        "I guess, then, you'll just need someone else's help."

        I stayed silent as we departed and I walked into the door for history.

        For once in my life, I was begging for the clock to go slower. The last person I wanted to face right now is Zayn.

        But, as always, the universe likes to fuck with me and time went faster than normal (or so it seemed). I walked out of history hugging my books tight to my chest. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

        I went into second block and my eyes immediately met Zayn's honey coated ones. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!

        I gulped and sat in the seat beside his. It was silent and I did a mental happy dance thinking that he wasn't going to say anything Well, I was wrong.

        "You disappeared last night," Zayn said,

        Great.

        "Uh, yeah," I mumble keeping my head down.

        "Did I do something or..?"

        I instantly felt bad and looked up at him, "No, you didn't do anything."

        He spoke again, "The what happened?"

        So many questions so little time.

        "I just, uh, wasn't feeling well," I make up a last minute excuse.

        "You should've told me."

        Silence settled in and the noise in the classroom seemed to have gotten louder. I spoke, "Why are you so nice to me?"

        He smiled at me and put in index finger under my chin lifting my gaze to his, "Because I see something in you."

        "Okay, guys!" Ms. Peterson said, "Settle down."

        Zayn removed his touch and faced forwards as the teacher continued to talk. He sees something in me? But, something could be anything. Something describes so many things good and bad. God, I'm over thinking.

        The lesson went on and she didn't let us work on our project since she was so into the lesson.The bell rang signalling for lunch. I got up quickly and went to find Liam. "Harry wait!" I heard Zayn call.

        I turned around and he jogged up to me. "Damn, you walk fast," he laughed. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss onto my cheek making my mind almost forget to register that he was slipping a small piece of paper into my hand. He sent me a final grin before walking off. I blinked and looked down at the folded paper. I unfolded it and small butterflies erupted in my stomach.

        Thought you'd need this, Harry Styles. ;)

        Under the writing was his phone number. Is this legit? Even after I ditched him?

        "Hey, Hazza," Liam said walking up to me and throwing his arm over my shoulder. I gently touched my cheek and smiled. Liam glanced down at the paper and shook his head with a smile. "He's such a cheese ball. Did you guys clear things up?"

        "No," I answer.

        "Wow, you ditch him like a dick and you still get his number!"

        I elbowed him in the side, hard. He unlatched his arm from my shoulder and grabbed his side. "Ow, Styles."

        I ignored him looking at the paper. I couldn't figure out if this was a good thing or a bad thing. But, I did know that I was too deep in this hole to crawl out now.

~

I swear, about 99.99% of this book takes place in school! Someone needs to remind me not to let the setting be at school in my next fan fic!

Tori xx (apologies for short chapter)