𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐒 † tokrev

✧𝐈

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May 2017.

Despite the many people hurrying over the biggest crossroad Shibuya's, he felt like the loneliest person on earth. Every face seemed so foggy and beyond recognition, though his eyes never needed the help of glasses to correct his sight. Nothing could correct his view on life anymore. He experienced too much of it to the point that he didn't know whether he was still alive or had already died.

He knew the location he found himself very well, but strangely it felt so unfamiliar as if he was in a foreign world, where he had never been before. He felt so lost standing at the crossroad observing people unconsciously following the orders of life.

Blurry images of significant people from the past mixed up with his current sight, confusing his already overwhelmed mind, that demanded a break from everything but he never allowed himself one. He didn't deserve one after the many failures and tragedies he was responsible for and no one could take this burdensome weight from his shoulders. He was certain that they would immediately be buried six feet under it—so heavy it was.

"Why did I have to seal my fate by being your vice."

Not only images were flashing before his eyeballs but he now could also hear the damned voices of them all as if cursing his incapability of avoiding the catastrophe years ago.

"Can't believe I had such a notorious kouhai like you at my school."

They haunted him since he failed his task to protect, since he tripped from the responsibility he carried with a too young age. He was just a child like everyone else with innocent intentions and a pure hope to continue living in his carefree naivety, but whatever higher being there might be had other desponding plans for his poor child self.

"Where's aniki?"

A painful numbness spread through his whole body contradicting everything as familiar voices drowned out the loud chatter and steps from the ignorant crowd surrounding him. Wonder and annoyance was directed at his moonstruck state, trying their best to avoid his large, standing figure.

"You're 24! Don't you have any love advice?!"

Emotions were so complicated that no doctor could get a full grasp of it, so they theorized instead to hide their failure of profession and present humanity with fake reassurance. Many liked to believe to have them under complete control, but in truth everyone feared them in some unexplainable way and he was a prime example for it.

"Washi look! I bought the vinyl of Claude Debussy! Let's listen to it together!"

Love—one of the emotions that was worse than hell itself. It could either lead to a blessed entity during life and after death or present one the most horrific despair of all time. He met the famous love and wished to never see it again, being one of the many poor souls to draw the unlucky card. It left him with a worrying indifference towards most things, but there was still hope for him.

Well, that was what he liked to believe in. Whether it was true or not was something certainly no one knew.

"I missed you a lot, so I'm glad we met again."

He felt cold. So icy cold that it should be concerning, but he didn't have the privilege to do so. He didn't know if it was because of the fresh night wind delicately touching his skin or his freezing blood running through his veins being bumped to and from his heart.