An: can we just talk about how hot Luke looks here?!
song: stairway to heaven, led zeppelin
The third day after my suicide attempt, I wake up at 7am. Immediately, I'm worried about Luke. It slowly makes me crazy to think about why he could have tried to kill himself. The second thought belonges to Calum and Sam who are probably wondering where I have been these three days. But could you just walk up to your coworkers and tell them 'Hey, I tried to kill myself but it didn't work so here I am again until I can make it happen.'
I can't tell them because I tried to act as happy as I could in front of them. There aren't any relatives I could talk with. I don't really know those who are left and then there's my uncle and my aunt but I hate them both.
I make myself breakfast and let the music play. Whatever fills the room with a sound makes me happy, even if it's only for seconds. I put the avocado on my toast and start to eat. The struggle to either stay at home or go work is hard. I decide to stay another day at home since I'm afraid of what questions Cal and San would ask if I suddenly came to the shop.
...When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.
There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven...
I wish I could play this song on the guitar. Luke can, I bet. I dress into a plain black shirt and a black skinny jeans. I'm still listening to the same song while I leave the house to get some food. I buy some things in the store and leave 40 minutes later. The two bags in my hand are getting heavier and heavier the more I have to walk with them.
"You're gonna break all your bones. Let me help you", a known voice says and when I look up I see a Nirvana shirt in front of me.
"How many band t-shirts do you have. I haven't seen you without one", I ask him and he laughs.
"I have more in my closet than you could ever guess", he says and I believe him since I never saw him in other shirts except for plain ones.
"Nirvana is such a nice band. My favourite song has to be Lithium", I tell him and he grins.
"Lithium is my favourite too. Now give me one of those shopping bags. You'll end up breaking every bone you have if you don't stop(don't mention the song plz) carrying theses bags", he pleads and after a lot of him convincing me, I give him one of the bags and we start going home.
"What we're you doing outside?", I ask and a second later I realise how stupid this question sounds.
"Am I not allowed to leave my apartment?", he asks, smiling. Of course he is, god, I'm so stupid to ask such dumb questions. I would curse at myself right now but that would be even more weird and I don't need him to see even more weirdness.
"Of course you're allowed to leave the house. I'm so sorry, that was such a dumb question and I don't even know how I came to ask this. It just kinda came out of my mouth and again, I'm very sorry"
We reach the door and Luke hasn't said a word since a minute, since I couldn't stop talking about how sorry I was.
Before I can close the door, Luke puts his foot between it.
"You don't have to be sorry for living. Maybe some lives aren't really worth living but yours is, really. You deserve to live and please don't excuse yourself anymore just because you're breathing", I try my hardest to hold back the emotions I feel coming up. All the sadness from when my mother died, all the bitterness when my father left and all the sickness of being alive. But in this moment, I don't feel worthless. Luke's words change something and this may sound cliché, but Luke and I are the definition of cliché so I couldn't care less. I hug him and close the door after he left to his own apartment. The first I do is reading. It helps me forgetting everything even, if it's only for a second.
Luke and I said one week. Four days until I'm free to kill myself without having to suffer from breaking my promise. What can I do with these four days. Explore the city, eat somewhere expensive, scare little kids. I could do everything I've always wanted to do in these four days but instead I'm sitting on my couch, reading. Before I can start reading the content of the next page I hear a knock on my door.
❄❄❄
Today there are only 23 days left until I see my babes with Julikath !!!
I should update more often but school is a bitch and stuff :(
Hope you enjoyed this chapter and still want to read the next one
-becky
YOU ARE READING
17th Floor, l.h
Fiksi Remaja"Have you heard of the 17th floor?" "No, what's that?" "That's the place lonely souls jump into happiness" ©2014 WARNING: This story contains depression, swearing etc. if you're not comfortable reading this, don't read it !
