I Wanna Be Yours

"Chapter 29"

Meredith is shuffling papers on her kitchen table, staring at the growing pile on her right, and the very, very short stack at her left.

As soon as Mr. Robinson was admitted in the ER after being mauled by a bear and she diagnosed his glioma, she knew she had to figure out a way to cure gliomas, not just deliver him a death sentence. And she's been toying with the idea for a clinical trial for a while, but now she actually has a patient willing to start and the perfect diagnosis for it.

She's been researching for days, Mr. Robinson seems on board with the idea, and Meredith is sure this will be great. So, the pile of papers currently in front of her is to actually pick her team.

She asked Richard and Ellis to provide the files for all interns and residents, so she can build the best team to recruit patients and to start her trial. She's going at this trying to be as objective as possible, and so far she has only two people that can meet her standards and it blows her mind that they're both brand new doctors: Cristina Yang, who is halfway into her internship, and Derek Shepherd. And even she knows it would be considered the ultimate favoritism if she picked Derek.

Especially since her kitchen table is actually his kitchen table, and she just tucked in his son for the night while Derek is finishing his shift.

They have lived together for a few weeks, but the novelty of it sometimes still surprises her. She finds herself unsure of the placement of objects or marveling at some detail of his house she has always missed. Of course, the biggest adjustment is David, but he seems to love having her here every day.

It's an odd feeling, to have a child in the house, in their space, in her space. She thinks about her own David often, how in only a few days it's his birthday and he's not here to celebrate, but how she has another David in her life now.

In the heat of the moment, Derek wondered if his son was a replacement; for Meredith sharing her life with another David is almost like betrayal. Yet, Derek doesn't know anything and cannot know anything. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"Crap," she mutters to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose.

At the end of the files, the okayed pile still contains only Yang and Shepherd, the maybe pile a couple of fourth and fifth-year residents, and she has no clue how to make this right. She'll page Yang right away, but she knows she has to discuss this with Derek before they go in. She needs to ask if he'd be okay with the backlash, as well as put strict boundaries in place before they start.

If they do this, they must be professional, no questions asked. She knows she can, and for what she has seen, Derek can, too, but the reminder doesn't hurt. Especially when they'll be under scrutiny of the FDA from beginning to end.

The door opens and closes quietly, and Meredith sighs. It's truth time.

"Honey, I'm home," Derek says, peeking in the kitchen with his goofy grin.

Meredith smiles at him, watching how even though he's being silly, he looks tired, and a bit worn-out.

"Please, don't call me honey," Meredith tells him as he walks back in the kitchen, still in his scrubs.

"Okay, sweetheart." Derek grins, moving closer to kiss her.

Meredith rolls her eyes. "Am I the kind of girl who likes pet names?"

"Of course not. But you're the kind of girl that scrunches up her nose and gets a very indignant frown on her face at pet names, and that's just adorable." He smirks, kissing her again before his face falls a bit. "Remember that old man in the ER from yesterday?"

"The surgery you had with Bailey?"

Derek nods, sitting on the chair next to hers. "He had a stroke. He's brain dead. They just took him off life support."