Kiss me

Chapter 12 - the funeral

I look at myself in the mirror feeling empty, useless. The dark bags under my eyes are visible, my newly paled skin suits my black dress.
Mascara put on my eyelashes to make me look decent, blush put on my cheeks to make me look alive.
I wonder what I would be doing today if the accident didn't happen, drinking juice boxes my the beach with Steph?

The other girls are grief-stricken and sad as well as me, we've been looking after one another. It's been 2 weeks since Lucy and it's been the longest 2 weeks of our lives.

Someone once told me that once you lose a loved one your perspective of the world changes. The useless things you used to care about, don't matter anymore. You realize that life could end in the blink of an eye and you wouldn't know when it could happen, so live, chase your dreams. Don't look back on the things that made you sad, look forward to the things that make you happy. But in your heart you'll always have that one place for them, only them and no one could fill that emptiness that lingers there, but the happy memories could. You learn to cope with the idea of death. But believe me; the hurt, the pain will always fade with time.

He told me that while I was in therapy a year ago, I didn't believe him at the start but then it all made sense and now I hold that advice close to my heart.

A knock at the door startled me from my thoughts.
"Hey sweetie, you ready?" Mum came in wrapped her arms around me and embraced me in a hug.

I still hurt but I've recovered enough to be able to stand and walk on crutches.
The internal bleeding is gone, I've had check-ups at the hospital over the past two weeks, the brain damage isn't something to worry about; just mental therapy. My broken leg is still broken and my back needs a lot of physical therapy.

"Yeah, I'm ready." I pulled back and got my crutches and went out of the bathroom to get my handbag then to the car.

I have a fear of cars but it's subsided. I was scared to go in one on the way back from the hospital when I got discharged.

••••••••••

We arrived at the funeral home 15 minutes later. This place was full of people Lucy knew or is related to, everybody in some kind of black clothing. The mood in the place wasn't up-beat or happy, it was simply dull and tense.
I was nervous, really nervous. Lucy, she always wanted to get cremated and thrown all over the town; the place where she grew up, so because the Hastings family has money they are going to do that and put an empty coffin in the ground with a lot of Lucy's stuff in it and gifts other people brought for her.

I saw the girls in a group near the entrance, they were discussing something I couldn't quite catch on to.
I walked over to them after bidding my family goodbye and that I'll see them later.

Steph is wearing a knee length black dress that has see-through lace on the shoulders and down her back, it worked well with her curvy figure and orange hair cascading down her back.
Olivia is wearing a black knee length dress as well, it has fabric coming around the neck and has a low cut front bit, her hair is in a ponytail with a braid along the left side.
Sarah has a black knee length as well with a low cut front bit and comes in nicely around her tummy, her hair is down with a floral head band.

"Hey guys." I gave them a weak but confident smile, trying to convince them and myself that I was fine.

"Hey, how are you?" Steph asked and came gave a hug, she pulled away then Olivia and Sarah came and gave me one.

"Yeah, I'm all good. Just nervous and sad..." I looked down at my hands. Really I wasn't 'all good', I was hurt and depressed and they knew it.

"Aren't we all?" Olivia says.

"Hmmm," I looked at Sarah, she was quiet; she has been ever since Lucy died and she looks so heart broken. Lucy and herself had a really close friendship, she was like the stars to Lucy's night, "how about you Sarah? How you holdin up?"

"Hmmm?," she looked up at me and her eyes are brimming with silent tears.

"How you holdin up?" I gave her a weak smile.

"Yeah I'm...." She tailed off, she couldn't find the right word.

"I know Hun." I shivered and hugged my black leather jacket tighter to my body.
It is a reasonably sunny day, it's hot so I don't get why I'm shivering, cold actually.

"Come on guys, everybody's heading in." Steph motioned us in the building and we took our seats at the front.

The empty coffin was set out in a beautiful way, it's in the middle and flowers are surrounding it, massive photo of Lucy next to it. We had an option to bring something to put in a coffin, I brought a photo of us in a picture frame, our all-time favorite movie World War Z, a few roses and a teddy bear that Lucy always liked, but never got the chance to get it.
She was already cremated and put in a vase at the front of the room on a stand stood to side next to the coffin.

The hall filled up dozens of people who loved Lucy. The volume levels were low, like being loud would disrespect her in some way.
The priest walked in from the entrance humming a melody that sang out in the hall. Everybody noticed his presence so the hall went silent completely. The continued the humming and walked to the podium, his voice was loud and clear as he said,

"We gather here today to celebrate the life of Lucy Hastings, who has now returned to her home with Our God, The Father. If you could get the booklet out and read with as I say these lines from the Old Testament." Everybody in my plain of sight got out there booklets and turned to page one, as did I," Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27. Blessed for those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4." Everybody said those lines in unison. The priest continued, "Lucy, she was a wonderful bright and intelligent girl who had big dreams but died far to young. She has many great friends and family who care for her deeply but the passing of her has been a difficult one, for she was part of inner-school and outer-school activities that involved the community as well as the school therefore she was known by many. She had-" I zoned out, I couldn't hear it anymore otherwise I'd break and I don't like crying in front of people. The priest went on forever about her and other stuff said at a funeral. I could hear people behind me sniffling and crying at the priests words. I looked at Lucy's mother who was crying in her husbands lap, it broke my heart so much to see it.
I looked to my left at the girls and they were all teary as well, I put my arm around Sarah who stood next me.
She wrapped her arms around me and continued to sob, I didn't realize I was teary until I could feel a single tear run down my cheek.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

End of the chapter!!
I spent the day in bed writing this, I was going four wheel driving but we canceled the plans so I was pissed about that.
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Stay awesome guys!
Cheers,
Chloe x