Kiss me

Chapter 13 - girls night

After the funeral, myself, Steph, Sarah and Olivia decided to have a girls night. We all got all our stuff and went to Olivia's house for the night, we ordered pizza for dinner, watched a few movies and played karaoke, now we are having a heart to heart.

I always hated saying what I felt and telling people about what I do. I guess I always felt closed in, thinking that if I liked something that other people didn't like I'd be hated upon, teased for doing or liking a certain thing, so I always used to lie and make up things, so people didn't really know me.
Until now, I have 4 beautiful people in my life and I couldn't be happier, they knew things about me, they knew me, they accept me for who I am. They don't make me feel so closed off and stranded.

"You know, I never would've guessed you had depression when we first met you. You know since your all open and crazy now." Steph says to me.

"Well... It wasn't really bad, like I didn't self-harm but you know when you feel the way I did or how other people feel when you got depression, you'd understand. But thankfully I don't have it anymore thanks to you guys." I was fidgeting with the blanket draped over my legs.

"Why did you have it anyway, I never really knew the full story?" Sarah asks me.

"When I was in year 9 my nan died and as you know me and my nan used to be close and when she died I was completely heart broken. I hardly ever went to school, my grades were dropping. But when I did go back, I got comfort from my 'friends', but I started to push people away. My best friend found another and I was abandoned pretty much, so that made me even more sad, but that was partly my fault.
So this is around the end of the year, like September and one night my parents come out and say that we are moving at the end of the year. Dad worked here for 2 years before we came out, so after I found out I went and told all my friends and they cared but not really cared. Anyway when I moved I was happy to get away but I was also sad, leaving the town I grew up in hurts. At the start of 2013 it was great, the move was great, but when school started that's when I started getting nervous, really nervous. So at the beginning it was alright, Millie showed me around and we became friends and that's how I met you guys obviously, anyway things were good, but I wasn't good at communicating and interacting with new people so when you guys used to get into deep conversation about something or someone, I had no idea what use were talking about and I just started getting more sadder and that's when it all hit me. Anxiety and depression came and hit me like a truck. Then I got over it in the first term and started coming back and now my interacting and communicating skills have improved, depression is pretty much gone, but I still have that mad anxiety shadow. That's my story I guess."

"And you got a boyfriend." Sarah shoved me and laughed.

I giggled. "He was hardly a boyfriend. It was long distance from the start. He was really sweet and handsome though, he was really nice, I miss him sometimes. We had so much in common, we had the same dreams when it came to kids and marrying. But I guess we broke up after 4 weeks and stopped talking but I still think about him." It's true..

"Awe, I remember when you used to talk about him all the time!" Steph exclaimed.

I blushed. "I know.."

"So you and Steph are going to New Zealand right?" Sarah asks.

"Yeah? Why?" I'm curious.

"Are you going to go see him? You've got to go see him!" Sarah says.

"Aww I dunno, ahh I'll have to talk to him and see if he's up too it." I said.

"Inbox him now." Olivia states.

"No."

"Why?" Olivia asks.

Steph took my phone and ran off. By the time she ran off, it was too late, she knows my password. Damn it!

"Shit! Stephanie Jane give me back my phone!" I yelled and got up to go find her and my phone.

I creeped through the house, it was dark and Olivia's parents were out. I walked through the kitchen and to the bedrooms and the bathroom.

"Ahh done!"

The bathroom door opened and a very smug Stephanie walked out with a sass to her walk. She came and gave me back my phone, the message was just a simple 'hey'. I'm surprised.

"Seriously? A 'hey' that's it?"

"Yeah, he will reply believe me."

"Hmm you suck."

"But you love me."

We walked back to the lounge room.
It was extremely messy, lolly bags and chip packets were everywhere. Blankets in all different places, it was a bomb site.

"What are you girls talking about?" Steph asks. She went and sat on her part of the couch, and I to mine.

"Lucy." Sarah says.

The mood just did a 360 turn from cheery to miserable. My heart brakes every time I hear her name. The funeral was hard enough on all of us.

"She was such a good friend, I can't believe she's gone." Sarah started to sob into her blankets.

"It still doesn't feel real to me." I stated.

"It feels pretty real too me, I can't stop the nightmares." Olivia says.

Me too.

"I remember when we were watching 'World war Z' and the scene where he went into the medicine room to look for a cure and the zombie thing was clicking his mouth really fast and we made an inside joke about it, good times." I stated remembering that time a few weeks ago.

"I wonder how blakes doin, he must be so torn up." Steph says.

"I've talked to him and he's acting like it didn't affect him that much but that's just part of his personality, he's falling apart inside." Sarah states.

"I miss her so much guys." Olivia started crying.

"We all do." Steph says.

"I can't imagine what's it's like for her mum, losing her only daughter.."

I can imagine what's it's like, my mum lost her mum and she fell apart, I witnessed her grief.

I look up from my hands and say to Steph, "Steph can you come with me for a minute?"

"Uhh sure." We both got up and went to the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"Remember the pact we made last week?"

"Yeah, we've got to stay strong for the girls and Blake."

"So we can't cry in front of them, we'll comfort them but we can't cry, trust me, I know."

"I still don't understand?"

"Just trust me."

We went back to the girls and fell asleep after watching another movie, I silently sobbed into my pillows so they wouldn't hear me.

Stay strong I said to myself. And fell asleep.

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Sorry it's taken so long for me to update, I couldn't find the time to write more and update it.

Anyway, hope you guys liked it and give that vote button a slap and comment if you need and a shout out would be amazing!
And keep in mind, this is my very first book I've ever written so bare with me. It won't be any good.

Okay, you guys are awesome and I love you and your support!

Stay awesome!
Cheers,
Chloe x