DC: The Brave and the Bawdy

Harley Quinn: Big Time Crooks

Poison Ivy let out a long groan as she threw open the door to her apartment and marched in. Harley, who was lounging on the couch in a black and red robe with her hair wrapped up in a red towel while reading a magazine, immediately perked up at her girlfriend's arrival.

"Ive!" she chirped, "Guess what? I got one! I got us a crew! We're gonna be big time crooks!... Ooh, you look less than ecstatic."

"I'm very tired," sighed Ivy as she made her way to the bedroom.

"Bad day at work?" asked Harley concernedly, following after Ivy.

"Something like that," said Ivy quietly, throwing herself onto the bed.

Ivy wore a dress made of leaves that tightly clung to her body. As she slumped down onto her mattress, the leaves unfurled from her green skin receded into her. Harley smiled at the sight of Ivy's body being revealed by the leaves. She never got tired of it. She glanced at Ivy's exhausted face and offered a sympathetic frown instead.

"Coffee machine broken or something?" she asked.

"No," said Ivy, "No it was those stupid Ace Chemical execs."

"They didn't give you their bank info!?" exclaimed Harley, "I thought you were going to threaten to digest them in giant venus fly traps! Who wouldn't cave to that threat?"

"Oh no, they caved," assured Ivy, "but one of them threw up everywhere when I described what it would do to them. Fucking disgusting."

"Men," smirked Harley, "Amiright?"

Ivy chuckled.

"So," she said, mood successfully lightened by Harley, "You said you found us a crew?"

"Sure did!" smiled Harley proudly, "Three of the best! Well, one of the best and two others that I could find."

"Who's the good one?"

"Catwoman."

Ivy let out a groan as she rolled over and buried her face in her pillow.

"What?" asked Harley in confusion.

"You know how I feel about her," sighed Ivy, rolling back over.

"Oh right," recalled Harley, "cause you banged."

"No," frowned Ivy angrily, "Well, yes, but no. It's not because of that. It's just how she acts. I don't know what it is, but it's like she thinks she can walk all over me."

"Right," nodded Harley, "and you let her. Cause you banged."

"Harls!" hissed Ivy.

"Sorry," winced Harley, "I can find someone else if you'd prefer."

"No, it's fine," sighed Ivy, "She is one of the best in the city. I'm just really high strung right now and need to unwind."

"I think I can help with that," smiled Harley sensually, loosening her robe.

"Aw, babe," smiled Ivy back, "Would you?"

"Of course," continued Harley, revealing her pale body as the robe and towel fell to the floor around her.

Ivy grinned as Harley climbed onto the bed and on top of her. The two kissed briefly before Harley continued with a series of soft kisses down the side of Ivy's face, her neck, her chest, and making her way down even further. Ivy closed her eyes and bit her lip in anticipation as she felt Harley push her legs apart.

"Guess I'm goin' on a diet, because tonight I'm eating a salad!"

Ivy opened her eyes and frowned down at Harley, who was staring up as Ivy wide-eyed with an enormous grin brimming with pride. Ivy rolled her eyes, patted Harley on the head twice, and then gently pushed her down to get to work.