DC: The Brave and the Bawdy

Batgirl & Catwoman: Once a Thief

"Ow!" yelled Batgirl, clutching the side of her face.

"Keep your guard up," said Catwoman with a smile.

The two women were in the batcave, where they had begun a sparring session in the training area. Both were in their full costumes, slowly circling one another between bouts of striking. Catwoman had just kicked Batgirl in the face during one of these bouts.

Batgirl growled and ran at Catwoman. She took a swing, but Catwoman easily dodged it by stepping backward. Catwoman then casually flicked Batgirl's nose. Batgirl, angry, dove at Catwoman to tackle her. Catwoman effortlessly vaulted over Batgirl as she did, landing gracefully behind the heroine, who landed on her face after she missed.

"I really thought Batman would be better at training," mused Catwoman, "but you and Boy Wonder are pushovers."

"Shut up!"

Batgirl leapt forward on all fours, landing at Catwoman's feet. She delivered a sweeping kick to topple Catwoman, but the thief jumped over the kick, gracefully flipped backward in the air, and concluded by delivering a snap kick straight to Batgirl's face.

"Argh!" grunted Batgirl, being knocked onto her back.

"If you're going to work alongside me," said Catwoman, "You're going to have to do better, sweetheart."

Catwoman and Batgirl had been jointly left in charge of keeping Gotham safe while Bruce Wayne was out of town on business. Batgirl didn't like it. Catwoman was a convicted criminal with a history of deception and betrayal. She couldn't be trusted alone, let alone trusted with the safety of Gotham. The only reason Batgirl could fathom for enlisting her help was that Batman wanted to sleep with her again.

"Like I'd take advice from you," hissed Batgirl, wiping some blood off her lip.

"Whyever not?" asked Catwoman, feigning innocence.

"Because you're a criminal!" yelled Batgirl, jumping to her feet and punching at Catwoman as she dodged.

"You're a thief!" continued Batgirl, swinging and missing with every word, "You're selfish! You're impulsive! And you have no right to be here! Hey!"

Catwoman had swiftly grabbed ahold of Batgirl's cape and pulled it up and down over Batgirl's face. While the heroine struggled to get out of the predicament, Catwoman used her opportunity to brace one hand against Batgirl's back while using the other to grab the back of her utility belt. Catwoman gave it a small tug and was happy to see that the belt was indeed clipped into Batgirl's pants. Catwoman yanked the utility belt up toward Batgirl's neck.

"YEOW!" yelped Batgirl as spandex raced up into her butt.

"And you're a huge nerd," chuckled Catwoman, releasing Batgirl taking a step back, "I think that's enough for one day, don't you? Or were you hoping for further humiliation?"

"Shut up!" grumbled Batgirl, tugging at the seat of her pants to pluck her underwear out.

"Patrol tonight," added Catwoman as she strutted away, "Don't be late!"

Batgirl finished picking her wedgie while grumbling to herself over the frustration of the situation. She didn't mind being Batman's sidekick, but she did not like being Catwoman's. Batgirl would do her best to run things without Catwoman's help, but she worried that Catwoman had something else up her sleeve.

***

I am a building that processes your bread,

I protect others from storms and other things they dread.

"Miller Harbor," said Batgirl quietly, looking down over the shipyard.

Sure enough, small groups of armed muscle were patrolling the area. She had found the center of the Riddler's operation.