CAMBRIA

TWO

Her first two weeks in Pine Hills were chaotic and underwhelming simultaneously. She was so far away from home, and everything was so new and unfamiliar to her. Take the streets, for example. Something she had once known so well was something that now perplexed her. There was so much that needed to be done. She did not know a single person. She felt trepidation, yes, but she also felt, for the first time in a long time, alive.

Pine Hills had similarities to Linden Falls, which was both a comfort and a disappointment. For instance, they had roughly the same population. Pine Hills was technically a city, but it was small. There was the west end, which contained the downtown core, busy one-way streets and office buildings. And then there was the east, with the suburbs and rural shopping centers. Cambria had landed somewhere in the middle. She was renting a quaint one-bedroom apartment overlooking the suburban neighborhoods, not too far from the lake.

A reoccurring problem throughout her life was that Cambria never felt like she belonged anywhere, and she could never quite understand how such a thing could be possible. It was a perplexing phenomenon that she could not explain. That otherworldly feeling of never fitting in, an outlier on the sidelines of life. She always had friends, more than enough. But there was always something missing; a barrier, something preventing her from forming the connection she so desperately needed. And subsequently, the more this feeling persisted, the more connections she attempted to make, collecting friends like dolls on her shelf, wondering which one would be different.

She remembered the first time she heard the word monachopsis: the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

Sometimes she felt as though she were wearing a mask, putting on a show for those around her. She would watch people, study their emotions, memorize their reactions. She felt as though life was a stage, and she was simply a performer, switching roles whenever necessary. Like a chameleon, slipping into different skins inadvertently. Each person warranted a new skin, and it was beyond Cambria to determine which role to play with who.

Take her family, for example. With them, she was the doting daughter who worked hard and had goals and ambitions. At school, she was the studious pupil, eager to learn and impress. Around her friends, she was care-free and laid-back. All these characteristics belonged to her, and were indeed her true self, but she often wondered which self was the most real. Which self was the true self that belonged to her the most.

She felt trapped in this paradox, of longing to be someone else, but also wanting to be comfortable with who she was. As hard as she tried, she could never succeed. So rather than seeking more, she learned to accept things as they were.

She'd been applying to jobs more than she was consuming coffee, and within the first week, had zero prospects. By week three, she had several interviews lined up.

On that third Tuesday in Pine Hills, Cambria stood in front of the mirror, adjusting her blouse and skirt. She looked herself over from head to toe. The tiny black heels boosted her height a mere two inches. She tugged her skirt lower down her thighs, then readjusted.

She had seen the ad in the classifieds: now hiring, data entry position for Hargrove & Swanson, university degree required.

She found it ironic that they required a degree for a data entry position that most likely paid minimum wage. But then again, for a pharmaceutical conglomerate like Hargrove & Swanson, they probably wanted the most qualified.

Cambria knew nothing about pharmaceuticals, but she had a degree in English & Linguistics, and they didn't specify what they wanted a degree in, so she hoped this would suffice.

If not, she could always bring out the heels and miniskirt and try her hand at bartending.

The interview was quite rudimentary. They asked the standard questions; she replied in her utmost professional manner. They delved into her life back home, asking what caused her sudden move across the country. By the end of the interview, he was shaking her hand and welcoming her to Hargrove & Swanson.