CAMBRIA

TWENTY-FOUR

The next morning, they began calling clinics. The soonest available appointment was five days out, which was lucky, considering Christmas was on Tuesday.

She bided her time until then.

Mara and Hailey were both with their families for Christmas, so Cambria spent the day alone at the house. She couldn't even see Jackson, because he, too, was with his family, and then Natalia.

She wanted to die.

In that moment, she regretted ever meeting Lawson. She had never once regretted her relationship, not even the worst parts, because she was a big believer in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But nothing could have prepared her for this.

When the day finally arrived, she was much calmer than she thought she would be. After all, she had just suffered in solitary confinement where all she could do was mentally prepare. Jackson called in sick to work so that he could take her.

It was times like these that Cambria forgot Natalia existed. It was as though Jackson lived two completely separate lives, one with Natalia, and one with Cambria, and each were not privy to the other. She had no idea the inner workings of his relationship, just as Natalia did not know half the shit he did when he was with Cambria. To compartmentalize was something he had long ago mastered. But it bothered her, this dual life he maintained. She wanted him to have only one life – the one with her.

They arrived at the clinic for eleven. She really didn't know what to expect. The nurse on the phone had only given a brief overview: no eating or drinking beforehand, wear baggy clothes, expect bleeding afterwards. They sat in the waiting room and she filled out the intake forms. It was a long wait, close to two hours before they finally called her name.

A nurse brought her into an office where she sat at the desk across from her and asked her questions about the pregnancy. Was it planned? Did she use protection? Was she on birth control? Had she ever had an abortion before? Was she sure of her decision? Then she went over the entire procedure with her from start to finish and gave her some pills for anxiety and pain. She was brought to a change room where she was dressed in a hospital gown. Then she sat in another waiting room with other girls, just like her.

She waited there for another half hour before she was called for bloodwork and the ultrasound. They took her blood pressure, then pricked the tip of her finger to get a blood sample. Next came the ultrasound, which was where Cambria discovered how far along she was.

Ten weeks.

That meant she was already pregnant when Lawson pushed her down the stairs.

After this, they brought her into the surgical room. It was white and sterile and nothing like she imagined it would be. She lay in the center of the room, doctors and nurses working busily around her, hardly paying her any attention. They slipped her feet into the stirrups and spread her legs. The pulse oximeter was placed on her index finger to monitor her heart rate. She was stuck with a needle for the IV. Immediately she felt the drugs taking affect, working its way into her system. She felt dizzy and lightheaded, which she was grateful for. She relaxed and closed her eyes, trying not to think about the fact that she'd be awake and experiencing everything that happened to her.

The procedure was quick. Five minutes was all it took to eradicate the thing that lived inside her, suctioning out the collection of tiny cells in her uterus that, without intervention, would've eventually grown into a baby.

The pain was nothing like she'd ever experienced before. At first it was a slight discomfort, the feeling of something being shoved deep inside her. Then came the pain. And the sound, like a vacuum, suctioning every last bit out of her. She could feel it moving inside her violently, tearing at her insides, ripping her apart. She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fists, but it did nothing to subside the pain. She struggled back and forth, trying to get away from it, and they had to hold her down to keep her still.

And then just like that, it was over. The noises ceased and the room was silent. She felt exhausted. Drained. Defeated.

The nurses slid on cloth underwear with a pad inside for the bleeding. They helped her sit up and brought her to the recovery room that was filled with other girls, where they lay her on a bed and put a heat pack on her stomach. She was given apple juice and crackers.

She lay there silently sobbing to herself, wishing she could have Jackson.

After twenty minutes, they came to check on her. They explained the after-care process, but she didn't really hear anything. Then, she was good to go.

They escorted her back to the change room, where she was able to return to her normal clothes. After that, she walked out the doors to the main waiting room. Her eyes immediately found Jackson, who remained in his seat, reading a magazine.

He stood immediately upon seeing her and rushed over, looping his arm through hers. She leaned on him, and he helped her walk back to his car. He asked her if she was hungry, and she was absolutely starving, so they got McDonald's and then went home.

Mara and Hailey were both at work so the house was quiet and empty. He helped her walk up the stairs, and when she struggled to do even that, he carried her the rest of the way.

He deposited her into her bed, and she cried and cried and cried.

He asked her how it went, and she replied, "I don't want to talk about."

And she never did.