REBOUND : His Dirty Little Secret

Chapter 25 : Kryptonite

This Chapter is for my most avid reader   🌼jessyrizqan🌼

Junkyu's POV :

            I was on autopilot. How I reached this place was still a mystery to me. Well, I don't seem to feel anything at the moment, how would I even care about that. I felt numb. Numbness all over my body. The moment I broke the kiss with Ruto, my mind went numb.Ijust felt the excruciating pain on my chest. I felt like all the air was sucked up from my lungs and a lump was blocking the way even if I tried to breath. I need to get out. That was the only thing in my mind that time, as I run out from the dorm, down to the street. Fortunately a cab stopped just in front of me, and a passenger got out of it. I automatically got in and instruct the driver to my house.

        I didn't even spend a minute inside my place. i just grabbed my riding gear and keys and then went down to the basement parking for my ride.  I drove across the night streets of Seoul in autopilot mode. God must have pitied me that I was still alive upon reaching this place. I know I'm being selfish right now. Invading this sacred place of the man who did nothing but love me and save me from my pain. Here I am escaping from truth, that no matter how much pain Ruto gave me, my heart still beats for him all the time. That no matter how I tried denying my feelings, because of the things he did, that I wanted to condition myself to forget him and move on, it only took one look, one touch and sniff of his scent to my brain, every wall I built came crashing down.

       I still feel the need to accept the fact that what we had was already over. I couldn't let myself be imprisoned by his effect on me. The fact that I couldn't hate him as much as I was supposed to, it is just right to move forward and live at present. The fact that I gave myself to someone else, the more I think it's just right to put things behind us now. What happened with his choices in the past  will stay in the past, and we will live our lives now as groupmates and co-workers. Trying to rationalize what happened earlier was just a lapse of judgement due to shock most likely. It was our first meeting after 10 months. With all the circumstances around us, with our career and with our relationship, it was just some left over crumbs of my feelings for him.

      I have Gyeom now. I know I love him too, enough to feel guilty of what I did. I know I need to come clean with him, but probably after today or tomorrow perhaps. I just couldn't face him now. I feel so ashamed of myself, much more to him.I just really hate myself being so weak and vulnerable when it comes to Ruto. Just like years ago, when it took all my strength and sanity to lock my heart away from him. Why do you think I spent most of my time locked up in my studio? Composed songs that were most of the time, about heartbreaks and self blame?

       Being the older one, 4 freaking years ahead of him, a mere teenager managed to broke all my defenses and conquer my heart. Ruto just knew his ways to swarm in any man or woman 's heart. Especially his eyes and his touch. Getting goosebumps by simply thinking of how his touch felt on my skin, igniting every single nerves of my body. That's how the Ruto effect works his way into my system. Unfortunately, it wasn't just me. A lot, A whole lot had shared the same effect of his power.

     "I knew you'd be here,"  He's here. I closed my eyes upon hearing his voice, putting a stop to my train of thoughts. Another wave of guilt wash over me, knowing he found me despite my selfishness and for disregarding his feelings. 

      "Stop! Please just... just don't come near me...." i felt him getting near behind me. He held my shoulders with both hands and rubbed it down to my arms.